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Title:  Three Christmases
Author:  Majincammy
Beta:  None/All mistakes are mine (there will be many)
Pairing:  Callie/Arizona
Rating:  M (Yes, there are naughty bits)
Disclaimer:  I own nothing.  I’m not trying to profit for any of this.  I’m just writing for fun and to make people happy.  Please don’t sue me.
Secret Santa Prompt From philstar22Sweet family scenes with them and Sophia and maybe other kids. Like maybe a family Christmas
AN:  I hope I did the prompt justice.  Happy Holidays to everyone that reads!

    12/18/14 – One week before Christmas

Arizona nervously twisted her hands around one another as she waited outside of Callie’s lab.  She knew the other woman was inside, but hadn’t convinced herself to walk in yet.  Things were still strained between them.  She often found herself feeling angry and demoralized whenever dealing with the woman she loved, which just made doing anything with her exceeding difficult.  Of course, they both had instances where they would put their emotions on hold and help one another, but they were few and far between.

“Hey!”  She heard from her left, causing her jump with a gasp, her hands grabbing at her chest in shock.  She heard a soft chuckle as she turned and faced the woman of her thoughts.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but you’ve been standing there for close to twenty minutes.  What are you doing?” Callie asked with one perfectly groomed eyebrow raised in her direction.

“Has it been that long?” Arizona mumbled to herself, her breathing finally normalizing as she lost herself in thought.

“Yes, Arizona, it has been,” Callie answered the rhetorical question as she held the door to the lab open and waved a hand, motioning for Arizona to enter.

“Okay, sorry, I didn’t realize,” she said as she walked inside.  She took a deep breath and faced the other woman as she walked in behind her and shut the door.  “I wanted to talk to you…” she said softly, eyes on the floor, “…about Christmas and Sofia.”

Callie’s eyes narrowed and she went to open her mouth, but Arizona held up her hands and gestured for her to stop, “Please, just let me talk…”  She took another moment to compose herself, straightening her back for the inevitable fight she was about to start.  “With everything that has happened, I haven’t really been able to see much of her.”

She raised a hand again as Callie’s lips opened again.  “And yes, I know it’s partly my fault.  The fellowship has taken a lot of time from me, but I have Christmas Eve off as well as Christmas Day and I know you’re working on Christmas Eve,” she watched as Callie’s eyes narrowed at her.  She wasn’t really permitted to know Callie’s schedule anymore without asking.

“So I’d really like to have Sofia.  I already have a tree up at Alex’s place and presents, including dozens sent from my parents and you know how important this holiday has always been for me…” she trailed off, her ramble losing steam as Callie’s face never lost the scathing narrowed look.

“You disappear for weeks and now you want to spend time with her… for the biggest kid holiday of the year?  Really, Arizona?”  Callie’s voice didn’t raise, she just spoke in a steady deadpan.  It made Arizona want to curl up into a ball and roll right out of the room.

“Yes, Callie, really.  I haven’t asked for much after everything happened.  And you once told me I shouldn’t have to give up anything, but I have.  I have given up a lot and I don’t want to give up this holiday with our daughter.”

Callie’s lips tightened for a moment before she shook her head.  “I don’t think so, Arizona.  I have to work during the day, but I planned on having all evening to spend with her and then open presents in the morning, so no, it’s not going to happen.  You can do your own version the next day.”

Arizona closed her eyes for a moment and then shook her head, “No, don’t do that.  Don’t punish me because of how things are right now.  You’re the one that chose this, not me.”

“Oh please, Arizona, you know very well that this isn’t all on me, I’m just the one who finally did us the kindness of letting you go,” Callie responded before rubbing her face with her hands in exasperation.  She was still exhausted from having the same conversation over and over again.

Tears were welling in Arizona’s eyes as she bit her lip, trying to hold them at bay.  It took a moment before she collected herself enough to speak.  “It’s not that easy… at least, not for me, Callie.  I can’t just turn off all the feelings I feel for you.”  She swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed, “I broke all my rules to be with you.  I gave up a dream I had all throughout high school and college to be with you.”  She narrowed her eyes, tears finally subsiding and anger taking their place.  “I was in a plane crash and things were impossible and you stayed with me, through everything, and then suddenly over a year later you’re doing me a kindness by letting me go?”

She took another breath, willing the anger to leave her, which just left her feeling sad and more alone than ever before.  Her shoulders slumped and she looked down at her feet.  “Fine, you think whatever you want, but just know that I don’t regret anything.  You would think, looking back, I would systematically want to change decision after decision, but no, I wouldn’t change a damn thing, because I was meant to love you.  I was meant to have that beautiful little girl.  And apparently, I was meant to be pushed aside so you can be free because I suffocated you.”

Callie had the decency to watch Arizona with sad eyes.

“And you know what, it really is fine.  I’ll carry that burden with me the rest of my life.  I have to live with myself knowing I ruined everything for us,” Arizona sighed as the tears started pooling in her eyes again.   “And that I ruined Sofia’s childhood because her parents are no longer together, but dammit, Callie, please… don’t take this Christmas away from me too.”

“Okay.  I’ll drop her off at Alex’s on my way to work on Christmas Eve.  And don’t give her too much sugar, because I know your Christmas cookie habit,” Callie said as she walked by Arizona, toward her desk so she could continue her work.  She purposely didn’t look at the beautiful blonde, because her heart was already breaking for her and one look would let Arizona know just that.  She didn’t want Arizona to feel any worse about having to basically beg to have their daughter on Christmas; especially when she was only saying no because she wanted to hurt her.  Hadn’t she done that enough already?

“Thank you,” Arizona whispered as she quickly walked out of the lab, the door slowly closing behind her.

                12/24/14 – Christmas Eve (6pm)

Callie followed through and dropped Sofia off just after nine in the morning.  Arizona had Alex answer the door and thank her.  He and Jo disappeared just after 2pm to the hospital, so Arizona and Sofia were sitting by the tree in their pajamas while eating cookies and milk.

“Mama, why my gingerbread mans have no heads?” Sofia asked while holding up two headless gingerbread man cookies.

“Cause I ate them!” Arizona said with a grin, as she picked up another cookie and tore its head off, and popped it into her mouth.

Sofia giggled and grabbed another whole cookie and quickly beheaded it before chomping the head in half, “Mmm.”

“Right?  Isn’t it the best part?” Arizona asked while watching Sofia with so much love.

Sofia nodded while dunking the other half of the gingerbread head into milk and then putting it into her mouth.

The doorbell rang and it caused Arizona to jump, which made Sofia giggle.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?”  She asked Sofia, who giggled and nodded.  “I’ll show you something funny,” she said as she grabbed the little girl and pulled her into her lap before peppering kisses all over her face and then giving her a huge raspberry on her cheek.  “Now that’s funny.”

“Mamaaa, nooo!” Sofia giggled helplessly, then the doorbell rang again.

“Okay, little miss, you stay here and guard the cookies while I check the door, okay?”  Sofia nodded as she grabbed another cookie and ripped the head off.  Arizona walked to the door with a grin, a thought of Callie wondering why her gingerbread men were headless crossing her mind.

She opened the door without looking through the peephole only to be greeted by Callie, standing there in a black coat and a beautiful red scarf, presents stacked in bags on the left and right.

“Callie?” Arizona asked, unable to keep the smile from forming on her lips, “What are you doing here?”

“You were right… last week, when we talked.”  Callie said while one hand rubbed the back of her neck.  “I’m sorry I tried to keep this from you.  And it got me thinking that Sofia shouldn’t have to have Christmas without either of us, so I thought I’d come over and we’d spend it together.  If that’s okay…” Callie was being completely honest.  The talk with Arizona really made her rethink things.  And the time they’ve spent apart has made her realize that there is nothing for her to fix.  The fixing was ruining things, maybe if they just lived in the moment and spoke to each other and continued therapy (much to her chagrin), maybe things could work out between them, because they loved one another.  She wanted to take a step toward that.

Arizona stared at her, eyes wide, mouth open, for several moments before licking her lips and opening the door wider so she could come in.

Callie stepped inside with the bags and took off her coat as Arizona shut the door and locked it.  “I’m glad you came.  Sofia will be so happy.”

Callie raised a brow at her, “And you?”

“Also incredibly happy that you’re here…  And you?” Arizona asked softly.

“I’m happy to be here too, Arizona.  Maybe this can be a new start for us?  I can’t promise anything and I know you can’t either.  And I’m not expecting you too… sometimes promises can be messy, but I do still love you.  And I have missed you.  And that’s enough, right?” Callie asked with a hopeful heart.

“Anything is possible with enough love.  We’ll take it slow and see what develops, would that be okay?”

Callie nodded and grabbed Arizona’s hand, “More than okay, pretty lady.”  She leaned in and kissed Arizona’s cheek.  Arizona closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, the smell of Callie surrounding her and she felt home.

And then Callie gasped while moving around her, “Oh my god, Arizona, how many cookies did you let her eat?!”

She turned around and saw over a dozen headless gingerbread men laying by Sofia’s feet while the girl giggled at the television.
“Uhm, just a few heads?”  She said with a bashful smile as Callie shook her head and pulled her into the living room so they could share this Christmas together, the first of many memorable ones they would share.


Arizona was lying in bed, on her back while giggling helplessly.  She couldn’t stop, no matter how hard she tried.  She heard a frustrated sigh from between her legs before the sheet which was covering was ripped off, revealing Callie.  If looks could kill, the one Callie was giving her would surely have sent her packing, but she just continued to giggle because the outfit Callie was wearing was ridiculous.
“I’m sorry, Callie, but the feather in the cap is tickling my thigh…” Arizona tried to bite her lip to keep another giggle from leaving her lips, but she just couldn’t stop it from bubbling forth.

Callie thought it would be cute to wear naughty elf lingerie while putting out the gifts (mostly Sofia’s, but a few for Arizona and she caught a couple for herself in the many gifts) for Christmas and forced Arizona to watch.  She felt those beautiful blue eyes watching her every move and once she was done, she grabbed Arizona’s hand and moved directly to the bedroom.

Which is where she was now… trying to pleasure the woman she loved while wearing the silliest of things to amuse her and Callie begrudgingly had to admit it was working, because Arizona hadn’t stopped giggling since Callie kissed her way down Arizona’s stomach?

“You’re going to have to do it without the hat on, Babe,” Arizona said with a shy smile.  “As much as I adore you in it, that feather is going to make me die from all the laughing and that would just be horrible, because instead of dying and not living the rest of this wonderful life with you and our sweet little girl, I’d much rather have you go down on me so I can return the favor already.  Seriously, you look amazing and your ass just pops with those panties on, I really just want to take them off.  Now.”

Arizona was sitting up as she finished, but Callie put her hand on the center of her chest and pushed her back down.  “You’ll get your turn,” she said as she pulled stupid cap off and threw it across the room.  She shook her head to cause her hair to flip and land over her shoulders.

Arizona’s gasp was audible, “You’re beautiful, Callie.”

Callie grinned while leaning up to give her a kiss, “Thank you.  Now sit back and relax.”  She offered a wink as she descended upon Arizona’s core, her lips quickly kissing along her slit, which made her partner squirm beneath her.  She snaked her tongue into the slit and worked it slowly up and then down, before moving up to Arizona’s clit and slowly circling it.

“Calliope…” Arizona groaned lowly, her hips grinding into Callie’s movements.  She whimpered softly as she felt two of Callie’s fingers slip into her slit and start gathering her juices.  She shivered with anticipation, knowing that Callie was going to bring her sweet bliss very soon.
Deciding not to tease her partner, Callie slowly pushed two fingers into her, moaning softly at the feeling of Arizona’s walls completely pulling her in.  “God, you feel and taste so good, baby,” the words were spoken with Callie’s lips around Arizona’s clit; the vibrations made Arizona’s hips jump off the bed while moaning for more.  “Come up here, baby, I want to kiss you.”

Callie felt a shiver run down her body, directly to her clit which clenched with desire for Arizona.  She quickly kissed up her partner’s body while slowly pumping her fingers into her.   She felt Arizona’s hands quickly move along her jawline and into her hair, pulling her closer so that their lips met in a sensual embrace.

A moment later, one of Arizona’s hands slithered down Callie’s body and between her legs, fingers gathering juices before moving inside her.  The feeling made Callie grunt in pleasure before initiating another kiss, her tongue pushing into Arizona’s mouth.  She groaned in pleasure when she felt her partner suck playfully on her tongue.

It only took moments for both women to work themselves to orgasm.  Callie flopped next to Arizona, both breathing deeply and trying get their heart rates back to normal.  She glanced at Arizona and giggled at the post orgasmic phase her beautiful girlfriend was currently in.  It made her think about the past year and how awesome, for lack of a better word, it has been.  “What a year we’ve had, huh?”
Arizona smiled as she turned on her side, leaning on her elbow so that she could clearly look at Callie.  She reached out and gently caressed Callie’s cheek, her thumb lightly sliding over Callie’s bottom lip.  “It’s been weird and wild.”  Arizona bit her bottom lip for a moment in thought, “and it’s made me realize you were right.”

Callie raised a brow at her girlfriend, waiting for her to continue.

Arizona took a deep breath as she put her thoughts in order while her fingers played with the ends of Callie’s hair.  “You were right that we needed to break up…  You were right that we both needed time to love ourselves again.  Since the first moment we talked babies, there was a small break in our relationship.  A splintering of the fragile glass that was holding us together.  Then there was Africa, the car crash, S-Sofia being born so early…  And then the plane crash…,” she paused and swallowed the huge lump she felt in her throat, “it brought out the worst in me.  And it shattered things for us.”

She pulled her hand back and wiped at the tears which fell from her eyes.  “And you were so good.  You were always trying to fix things, to fix me and I think it just shattered the pieces even more.”  She reached back over and wiped away Callie’s tears while offering her a smile.  “But now?  We took that time and we figured out how to love ourselves.  You danced in your underwear and drank with Meredith and got back to yourself.  I took on a hardcore fellowship and came to terms with my body.  And then we came back to each other.  And we made a new glass, only this one is not as fragile because we learned from the past, right?”

Callie nodded and pulled Arizona in for a searing kiss.  When they finally pulled apart, Arizona giggled while whispering, “Wow…”
“I think you earned an early Christmas gift,” Callie said while reaching into the drawer next to their bed.  She turned in time to see Arizona smile so widely and clap happily.  She could only shake her head at her partner’s antics.  She held out a small black box to Arizona.  “I love you, Arizona.  And I know we never officially divorced, but we never got official papers for our marriage either.  I’d like to do that now, so Arizona, my love, will you marry me?” she asked softly while opening the box to reveal a lovely engagement ring, with a perfect diamond.
Arizona’s mouth was open in awe and it took her a few moments before she finally grinned happily and pounced Callie, pressing kisses all over her face before kissing her lips.  “I hope that’s a yes,” Callie joked breathlessly.

“Of course it’s a yes, silly.  I want nothing more than to legally and officially be your wife, Calliope.”  They kissed again, sealing their engagement, thankful their daughter didn’t interrupt their morning, and marrying in the spring.  It was definitely a Christmas they would both remember.


Callie and Arizona were cuddled against each other in front of the fire place in their living room in a post coital daze.  Callie licked her lips and sighed deeply, trying to catch her breath.  “I love your first trimester; the ‘can’t get enough sex’ part of it anyway, not the morning sickness part.  I’m sure you could do without the morning sickness part…” the rest of her ramble was cut off with a hand being placed over her lips.

“I get it, Calliope.  And yes, I’m really glad the hormones are ramping up my sex drive and not stealing it away, like a certain someone else,” she said with a sly grin.

Callie had the decency to blush and roll over so that she was lying against Arizona’s side.  “That was a different time and we were at a different place in our relationship…” she licked her lower lip while considering her words.  “…I uhm, I think I still resented you for leaving me, at the time.  And I was using that excuse to punish you.  I’m not really proud of myself, looking back on it, but…”
Arizona cut her off with a sweet kiss, “Don’t worry about all that, Calliope.  The past is the past.  We learn from it, but we’ve moved on and we definitely understand one another now.  And we actually talk about things, instead of having sex and pretending nothing happened until it piles up and explodes.”

Callie nodded and kissed Arizona again, this one much deeper and intense.  “Yes, which means we get to enjoy it this time, don’t we?”
Arizona grinned into another kiss, “Oh yes, we will definitely take advantage of…” her next words were cut off by a flying five year old.

“IT’S CHRISTMAS, MAMAS!”  Sofia yelled as she jumped right between them.  She wiggled her body until she was snuggled between their bodies.  “Did Grandparents gifts get here?  They didn’t forget about me, did they?  Or did they made Santa do all the work?  I hope not, because Santa has enough work to do on Christmas, don’t you think?  I mean, he has to go everywhere, even hospitals and gives out all the presents, so if they asked Santa to bring them it would gives him more works, right?  But he is coming here anyway, so he could just drops them off, right Mama?”  Sofia said while looking at Arizona.  She was ready to keep going, but Arizona started tickling her.

“Noooo, Mamaaaa…” Sofia giggled while squirming.

“Don’t you worry, Little Miss, everything you want is here.  Even your little sister,” Arizona said with a big smile.  Sofia looked at Arizona, then glanced at Callie, who nodded.

“Really?” Sofia said with a big smile.

“Yeah, she’s in Mama’s tummy,” Callie said while reaching over and gently rubbing Arizona’s belly.

“How long will she bes in there?” Sofia asked with wide eyes.

“Well, probably at least six months, Little Miss.  Do you think you can wait that long?” Callie asked.

“If I haaaave too,” Sofia replied while rolling her eyes causing her parents to chuckle.

“Well, you’re going to have to wait.  And when she first comes, she might not be much fun, but she’ll grow, just like you did.  And she’ll be awesome, just like you.  And you’ll have to help her and be a really good big sister.”

“I know, Mama!” Sofia said with another eye roll.  “Is it time for presents yet?”

Arizona glanced at Callie, who nodded.  “I guess it is.”

“Awesome,” Sofia said as she jumped up and ran to her room.  She was only gone a minute, but when she came back into the room, she was wearing a bright pink shirt with white lettering that said ‘I’m the best big sister ever!’.  “Gramps and Grammy help me get it.  It’s my present for my sister.”

Arizona’s mouth dropped as she looked over to Callie who was flat out laughing.  “You told Gramps and Grammy about your sister?”

“Yah, I told them you and Mommy made me a little sister and they sented this to Zola at the hospital and Zola’s mama gave it to me and told me Gramps and Grammy wrote a letter and told me to put it on when it’s presents time.”  Sofia said matter-of-factly as she grabbed a wrapped box from under the tree and shook it.

“I guess my parents know, Calliope.”  Arizona deadpanned.

“And probably most of the hospital by now,” Callie chuckled and pulled Arizona into her, kissing her forehead gently.  “It’s time for us to share anyway; to share how happy we are with our friends and family.”

“You’re right, Calliope.  Now let’s open some presents before our little monster opens them all.”  They both laughed and sat by the tree, handing Sofia present after present.  All three enjoyed being together, eating cookies and milk, watching one another open presents, and being excited for next year when their family would become a family of four.  It was another Christmas to remember.  They only hoped every following Christmas they shared together would be as memorable.

Fluffy Christmas

Title: Fluffy Christmas
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A glimpse into the future; Sofia is six and finally understanding Christmas and Santa.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.
A/N:  Hi everyone!  MERRY CHRISTMAS (or whatever other holiday you choose to celebrate).  This story is a Secret Santa gift for the amazing mak62184.  I tried my best to fit two of the prompts asked for in this story:  {Christmas eve with Sofia. She is finally old enough to fully get the concept of Santa and Callie and Arizona go shopping at a really huge mall and then they can't find their car when they decide to leave].  This is really cheesy and saccharine, so I hope you still enjoy it.

 _____  _____  _____  _____

“Okay, why did we have to drive an hour and half to a mall when there is a lovely one only fifteen minutes from the house?” Callie asked as she pouted from the passenger seat.

“Because this is the one with the real Santa, Mom, duh!” Sofia said while bouncing in the back seat.

“Sofia,” Arizona said while glancing in the rearview mirror at her six year old daughter.

Sofia smiled sheepishly when she caught her mother’s eye.  “Sorry Mom.  I forget that grownups don’t know these things.”

“I feel old,” Callie said with a pout as Arizona parked the car.

Arizona jumped out of the car quickly and ran around to open the door for Callie.  Callie felt warmth spread throughout her body at the display.  Once the door was opened, Arizona moved to the back door and started getting Sofia out of her booster seat.  “This mall is three times the size of our little one.”

“Yes, make the pregnant lady walk around all day.  You are so giving me a massage tonight, because I know my back is going to be sore.”  Callie mumbled while carefully climbing out of the car.

“Anything you say, dear,” Arizona said with a grin and wink.  She helped Sofia out of the car, and then shut the door.  She then tried to help Callie, who batted her hands away.  Arizona raised her hands with a chuckle and watched as Callie lumbered about with her six month baby belly.  She then leaned toward said belly and whispered, “I hope you’re not responsible for Mommy’s mood today.”

“No, but someone else is,” Callie deadpanned while shut the door.

“Mommy, Santa isn’t going to give you a gift if you’re not nice,” Sofia said matter-of-factly as she slid her hand into Arizona’s.

“Yeah, Mommy, be nice to Mama.”  Arizona said as Sofia started to pull her toward the mall.  She turned her head and stuck her tongue out at Callie, before skipping off with Sofia... well, sort of skipping, as best as a person with one leg could skip.  Callie rolled her eyes while making sure the doors of the car were locked, and then followed after her girls.  She couldn’t help the small laugh though while she watched Arizona and Sofia skip along together.  Christmas never failed to bring out Arizona’s inner child.

“C’mon, Mom!” Sofia turned and yelled.

“I’m coming, I’m coming…” Callie said as she waddled after them.  Once close enough, she slid her hand into Arizona’s free one and the three walked together into the huge outlet mall.  This particular mall was known for having a very large Santa display and when Sofia saw the picture, she begged for over a week to go visit.

“I’m hungry; can we stop in the food court?” Callie asked as they lazily wandered through the mall.  The Santa display was in the center and according to all the signs they saw, they were headed in the right direction.

Arizona raised a brow, “But we just ate a huge breakf--…”  And if looks could kill, Arizona would be six feet under because of the glare Callie was shooting at her.  “O-of course we can, yeah, we’ll get a snack, maybe some ice cream?  How’s that sound, Sofster?”

“Ice cream in the morning?” she said with wide, surprised eyes.

“Why not?” Arizona winked at Sofia, who jumped up and said a very Arizona-like yay.

“Great, you think she’s bouncing off the walls now, wait until she has a load of sugar in her,” Callie said while shaking her head.

“Jeeze, why are you Grinching out over there?” Arizona asked.

“Yeah, Mommy, you’re acting like the Grinch!” Sofia giggled.

“I am not.  But if I was, I totally have a good reason.  It’s because your Mama’s Robbins genes make this baby in my tummy hyper active, especially at three in the morning.  Which means Mommy doesn’t get to sleep much.  And no sleep will make anyone cranky, don’t you think?” Callie used her free hand to gently poke her belly.  The little ball of energy was asleep now, of course.

“She said she’s cranky, Sof.  See, we were right,” Arizona said with a grin, quickly dropping Callie’s hand and stepping a few steps ahead of her.

“Oh, don’t you worry, Arizona, I’ll get you later for that one.”  To be honest, Callie was over the moon happy at carrying Arizona’s baby.  When she broached the subject again, Arizona had broken down in tears and admitted that she was beyond scared to try and carry another baby.  They had a long heartfelt conversation and Callie suggested they run some tests and see if she could carry it.  Five weeks later Callie was pregnant with Arizona’s egg and a blonde haired, blue-eyed sperm donor.

“I’m hoping so!”  Arizona said with a wink over her shoulder.  She then turned her attention back to where they were going, leading the little family to the food court.

Ten minutes later, Arizona and Sofia were happily licking mink chocolate chip ice cream in a waffle cone.  Arizona had grabbed two handfuls of napkins, knowing Sofia was going through a phase where she mimicked Arizona; including getting the same type of food.  Ice cream cone at a six year old would mean a big mess.

Callie, on the other hand, had a bowl which held a scoop of cotton candy ice cream, peppermint ice cream, and a scoop of peanut butter ice cream.  Just the thought of those combinations made Arizona’s stomach queasy, but pregnancy cravings were not to be questioned.

“Ooh, Arizona, get me a pretzel with some honey mustard.”  Callie said.  And when Arizona just stared at her for a minute she added, “Pretty please?”

“What Mommy wants Mommy gets… c’mon Princess Sofia, let’s get Mommy a pretzel.”  Arizona nodded to a small table, “You sit and get comfortable with your ice cream, and we’ll be right back.”

Only five minutes later, they were back and plopping into the seats at the table.  Callie had completely finished her ice cream already and made grabby hands at Arizona for the pretzel.  “Yeesh, someone’s hungry.”

“It’s your fault.  Now gimme.”

Arizona handed the pretzel and honey mustard over and cringed as Callie immediately dug into her treat.  The little family chatted while Callie finished up, and then started their trek toward Santa again.

“Mama, did you know that Santa made some of his elves look like him so that they can visit all the malls in the world, so kids like me will be able to tell him what we want?”  Sofia asked as she walked hand in hand with Arizona.

“Wow, really?  I didn’t know that.  Where did you hear that?” Arizona asked.

“Samantha told me in the playground.  She’s three years older than me!  She told me that the real Santa only comes to this mall.”

“So that’s why we’re here…” Callie said with a sigh.

Arizona shot a look at Callie, but then quickly turned back to Sofia.  “Well, if the elves that look like Santa do the same thing as the real Santa, why did we come all the way to this mall?”

“Because the real thing is better!” Sofia said with a grin.

“You got that right, kiddo,” Arizona said with a chuckle.

Sofia’s eyes widened when they made it to the center of the mall.  The entire place was decorated as though it were Santa’s workshop, with elves controlling the line which led to the big man himself, who was sitting in the center on a huge throne.  “Wow.  This has to be the real Santa!”

Callie and Arizona were thinking the same thing.  The man sitting on the chair had on an outfit that could barely contain his girth and a real beard, not the fake ones most Santa’s paraded around with this time of year.

Arizona stepped up to Sofia and bent down as best she could to talk to her on her own level.  “Okay, Sofia.  You ready to talk to Mr. Claus?”

Sofia nodded, “I’ll be real good, Mama, I promise.”

It took thirty minutes to get through the line, but Sofia finally made it to Santa.  She walked up to him and smiled brightly, “Merry Christmas, Mr. Claus.”
The Santa grinned and then bellowed, “Ho, ho, ho there, Cutie.  Please, call me Santa.”

Sofia giggled softly, and then glanced at Arizona, who nodded slightly toward the chubby man.  “Oh right… Thank you for all the presents last year, Santa.  I especially liked the LeapFrog laptop.  It has a lot of fun games on it and games that help me with my ABC’s!”

Arizona smiled, “Good job, Sofia.”  She winked at the Santa, who now knew the little girl’s name.  Callie slipped her arm around Arizona’s waist, chuckling at the situation.

The Santa laughed and pulled Sofia into his lap.  He eyed her carefully while brushing his beard thoughtfully, “You were a good girl last year, Sofia.”
Sofia’s eyes widened when he said her name.  She turned to her mothers and bounced, “It’s really him, Moms!”

“I see that, big girl,” Arizona said with a laugh while Callie shook her head with a laugh.

The Santa laughed, “And you were a very good girl this year too, so why don’t you tell me what you’d like and then I’ll have an elf snap a picture of us for your Moms.”

Sofia glanced at her mother, then back to Santa before asking, “Uhm, Santa… Do I have to ask for something for me, or can I ask for something for someone else?”

The Santa narrowed his eyes for a moment while he thought about the question.  He rubbed his beard with his free hand again before saying, “You can ask for anything you want, but I can’t guarantee anything.  My magic is different for every person, so what I can do for you, I might not be able to do for someone else.  Do you understand, Sofia?”

“I think so,” she said after a few minutes.  “I have a lot of toys, Santa.  I don’t really need anymore.  But my Mama,” she pointed to Arizona, “She’s a special kid doctor in a big hospital and sometimes, the kids there don’t get anything for Christmas… I was wondering if my presents could go to some of them.  Oh!  And my biggest wish of all though is for my little sister to really love me.  Can you make that happen, Santa?”

Both parents had tears in their eyes.  Sofia managed to surprise them all the time, but this was entire unexpected.  Their little girl had a huge heart.
“Where is your little sister?  Has she been a good girl?” Santa asked.

Sofia giggled and pointed at Callie, “She’s still in Mommy’s tummy.  And she’s usually good, but Mommy says that she keeps her up at night and that is bad, isn’t it?”

The Santa laughed huskily, “It’s not bad from a baby still inside Mommy’s tummy.  It’s actually good, it means she’s strong and active and I promise you, she’s going to love you a lot, cause she has an awesome big sister.”

“Mama says I’m awesome too!”  Sofia cheered.

“That’s because you are, big girl; totally super awesome.”  She wrapped Callie up in a hug and whispered into her ear, “We have the most amazing daughter.  Mark would be so proud; I know I am.”

By now, Callie was crying too, “I am too.”

Moments later, the picture was snapped and handed to Arizona.  Sofia turned and waved to Santa before grabbing Callie’s hand.  “Thank you for letting me sees the real Santa, Moms.”

“You deserved it, Sofia.  You’re such a good girl.”  Callie said while they walked back toward the mall entrance.

“And Santa told me that you’re going to still get a mountain of gifts, but he also promised to give lots of gifts to kids all over the world in hospitals.  If you’d like, Sofia, we can get some toys to take to the kids in the Peds ward tomorrow.”  Arizona suggested.

“Really, Mama?”

Arizona nodded, “Of course, baby girl.  I think it’s wonderful that you want to give others a happy Christmas.”

“Yay!” Sofia jumped and giggled when Callie tugged her arm gently.

The little family walked out of the mall and stood there for several moments.  Callie stared at Arizona, who was looking around as though she lost something.  “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing is wrong…”  She pulled out her keys and started hitting the alarm button, waiting to hear the sound which would help her remember where she parked.

“You know, this wouldn’t happen if you would just use the handicap spots, Arizona,” Callie said with a sigh.

“But I don’t need to park in the handicap spaces.  I’m perfectly capable of walking.  I’d rather leave the spots available to people who need actually need to use them, not just so I can be closer to the entrance,” Arizona was completely tired of this particular fight.  It had become worse since Callie became pregnant.

Callie crossed her arms over her chest.  “Well, the fact that I’m a whale and it hurts me to walk so much means you could take advantage, since both of us being minor handicapped should equal one full handicap person and allow us to use the space.  Doesn’t that make sense?”

Arizona shot a glare over her shoulder, “No!  And that’s a terrible way to look at things.  Is that what you want to teach Sofia?  There are people much worse off than you or I and I would hate to take that space from them.”

“Aren’t you being a little dramatic over a parking spot?” Callie sighed.

“I could say the same thing to you,” Arizona said through her clenched teeth.  She decided to ignore that fight, realizing that Callie was cranky and tired from lack of sleep and walking the mall.

“I want to go hoooome,” Callie whined.

“Me toooo,” Sofia whined.

Arizona rolled her eyes and turned to both of them.  “Really?  Well, I happen to think it’s a lovely day, perhaps we should spend it walking the parking lot, because that’s what I really wanted to do today.”

Sofia pouted, “Really, Mama?”

“Sarcasm is lost in little ears, Arizona,” Callie said with a triumphant grin.  “No, Sof, Mama is just mad she can’t find the car.”

“Is that why we’re standing here?” Sofia asked.

“Yup.  That’s why we’ve been standing here arguing for close to thirty minutes, instead of being halfway home and so close to cookies and presents.”  Callie said with a pout.

“Mama, I want to go home,” Sofia whined again.

“Thanks Callie.”  Arizona sighed and ran her hand through her hair while trying to remember where they parked.  There wasn’t a silver SUV in sight, which was so weird, because the mall was packed and SUVs are a dime a dozen, and silver is a popular color!

“Maybe I should call a detective, have them come down and sort this mystery out,” Callie said with a chuckle.

“Like Scooby Doo, Mommy?” Sofia asked.

“Yeah and then we could all have some Scooby snacks!” Callie and Sofia both giggled.

Arizona was looking through her purse while mumbling under her breath.  Callie couldn’t make out anything she was saying, but she knew she was poking Arizona’s last nerve.  Serves her right for not parking in the handicap spot, after all, she’s missing a leg.  Isn’t that exactly who the handicap spots were for?  When Arizona stopped fighting her purse and looked up at Callie with bright red cheeks and a sheepish smile, Callie almost lost all her frustration in the adorableness of that look.  “Uh oh… Okay, out with it…”

Arizona sighed and held up a second set of keys, “I forgot we came in your car.”  She hit the button and a black SUV not even five spaces away from them beeped to life with a loud honk and lights flashing.

Callie laughed, “You’d think you were pregnant with the pregnancy brain you’ve developed lately.”

“Oh hush… maybe it’s sympathy pregnancy brain because of how much I love you.”  Arizona said with a shake of her head as they all headed to the car.

A moment later the three were on their way home for an evening of Christmas dinner, cuddling, and festive movies.  The next day, Sofia bought gifts for all the long term patients in the pediatric ward of the hospital.  And Sofia never questioned again whether her little sister loved her or not when she arrived three months later.


Title: Stronger
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A/U After the plane crash, Cristina tells Callie Arizona’s story.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.
A/N:  Hi everyone!  MERRY CHRISTMAS (or whatever other holiday you choose to celebrate).  This story is a Secret Santa gift for the awesome captstarbuck.  I kinda of mushed two of the prompts she asked for together:  [A/U Calzona, can be angsty but would need a happy ending or Cristina/Arizona friendship leading to Calzona forgiveness.]  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. :D

_____  _____  _____  _____  _____

“Hey!”  Callie said happily as she walked into Arizona’s hospital room.  “I got you a couple of doughnuts,” she said with a singsong voice as she dropped a small bag on the tray next to the bed in the center of the room.  “I got those sprinkled ones you like so much.”

“I talked to your mom again last night and she and your dad will be here in three days.  I know you’d rather wait until you’re feeling better, but they missed you and they want to see you.”  She glanced toward the bed for a moment and then rubbed one hand against her cheek.  “And you know they want to see Sofia.  I swear… your mom takes spoiling our daughter to a new level,” she said with a smile.  “Who knows what they’re going to show up with for her!”

She glanced around and made sure the room was still decorated the way she last left it, since nurses have a bad habit of moving things around.  Satisfied that everything was where it should be, she sat down next to the bed and reached for Arizona’s hand.  She caressed the pale skin softly and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss on the back of her wife’s hand.

“And speaking of Sofia, she was a real terror this morning,” she said with a soft chuckle.  “It took me ten minutes, but I got her on board with the tights.  She said she wants to look pretty when she comes to see you later tonight.  I totally went good cop, you’d be really proud of me.”  The smile on Callie’s face was bright, but it was also sad.  It was hard to hold back the tears, but she could cry later tonight, after she put Sofia to bed.  Here, while sitting with Arizona, she wanted to be bright and shiny, like her wife was; the bright spot in her gloomy world.  She reached out and gently smoothed a piece of blonde hair behind Arizona’s open, but dead eyes.

It’s been two weeks since the survivors of the plane crash have been found.  Cristina, Meredith, and Derek somehow made it out with only minor injuries, but being stuck in the woods with no food, water, or fire for four days certainly takes a toll.  Of course, others weren’t as lucky.  Arizona’s leg was more than just broken and mangled; it was also riddled with infection.  When she was brought into the hospital, she was hysterical and had to be restrained.  They doped her up on various medications and the doctor in Boise made the call to amputate.  When she woke up, she wasn’t herself.  She didn’t talk, didn’t move, she just stared into space.  Three days later she was moved to the psych ward, where Callie was now.  Mark was still in a coma.  And Lexie… well, she was dead.  Everyone was in shock, but managed to pull out of it and pull together to work at surviving, as far as Callie knew.

Well, everyone that wasn’t crushed under the back of the plane, missing a leg, or in a coma.

Callie gently caressed Arizona’s cheek and got no reaction.  “I miss you…”  Her voice cracked with the words, but she swallowed the pain and hurt in her throat.  “…So much, Arizona; the way you would smile at me the most, with your blue eyes shining with so much warmth, love, and adoration.”  She sighed while looking at Arizona’s face, so lost and blank.  “You’re figuring something out.  That’s what all the psych docs have been telling me, anyway.  That this trauma that happened to you was just too much to bear…  And it definitely was, but you’re so strong,” she licked her lips and shook her head with a slight laugh.  “You’ve always been right and awesome, so you take the time you need, okay?  Sofia and I will be here waiting for you.  And apparently, your parents will be too, because your mother flat out said she’s not leaving until you’re back to being you,” she chuckled when she recalled Barbara’s words from the previous night.

“Have I mentioned that I really like your parents?  Because if not, I just want you to know that they’re lovely.  And they’re so happy you’re alive.  And so am I.  We’re all beyond happy that you’re still here… to be their daughter, to be my wife, to be Sofia’s Mama.”  Callie smiled and ran her fingers through Arizona’s hair.  “I think Sofia misses you even more than I do, but she’s so excited that she gets to come and see you tonight with Grandma and Grandpa.”

Callie quickly wiped away the tears that managed to pool in her eyes.  She really didn’t want to cry again, but she had nothing to do but sit and talk with Arizona and try to help her remember all that she has to live for and finally wake up.  She couldn’t imagine how scared it must be for her beautiful wife.  The terror of being in a plane as it crashes.  Hopelessly sitting in a seat as it happens all around you, with no place to go except sit in a seat and accept that it is happening.

None of the other survivors have talked about it; the crash.  The pain and horror it caused lingers in the air still, especially whenever close to Arizona’s or Mark’s hospital room.  Callie assumed that was why most of the other survivors stayed away.  She saw Derek and Meredith once in Arizona’s room.  And she saw Derek a couple times in Mark’s room, but they didn’t talk about it.  Mark was dying.  It was going to happen soon, so they avoided talking about it.

The door squeaked as it opened and Alex Karev stuck his head into the room.  “Any change?” he asked while glancing around the room.

Callie shook her head, hiding her face as she finished wiping away her tears.  After taking a moment to collect herself she motioned for Alex to come into the room.  He stepped inside carefully, like he was walking into a forbidden room.  He felt heavy with guilt, despite the fact Arizona made the choice for him.  He walked into Arizona’s line of sight, but she didn’t react.

“Hey boss,” he paused, hoping for a reaction.  When he received none, he kept going, “Chunky Stew is looking good.  I’m keeping the department working just as you like, so don’t you go worrying about anything.  You’re gonna be back soon, so I’m holding Hunt off on getting a replacement… even a temporary one.”  He glanced at Callie and offered her a grin.

Callie felt her chest seize.  Karev was a good man and loyal to a fault and she was never more happy that he was his wife’s student than she felt at that very moment.  She knew what he said to Arizona was simply truth.  He would do his best to push Hunt to not hire anyone else because his faith in Arizona was unrelenting.  As was her own faith in Arizona.

“Anyway, you feel better, Robbins.  And get back here soon, the kids keep asking about you.”  He awkwardly stood for a moment, before deciding to gently pat Arizona’s shoulder.  There was no response.  He turned to Callie and frowned before heading out the door as quietly and quickly as he came in.

Callie smiled and ran her fingers through Arizona’s hair again, “You have a lot of people in your corner.  We’re all waiting for you to come back.”

“You’re still talking to Roller Skate Girl as if she’s going to respond, huh?”  Cristina stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her.  “Oh wait, I guess just Roller Girl will work better now.”

“Of course I am.  She’s awake and she can hear me.  When she’s ready, she’ll talk back.  And seriously, you have the tact of a gnat,” Callie just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“She’ll be rollin’ up in in Peds, in a wheel chair, popping wheelies and showin’ those kids how it’s done.” Cristina actually grinned at Callie and Callie returned it, wholeheartedly, because she believed it to be true.

There were a few moments of silence before Callie turned to Cristina.  “Where have you been?  I thought you and Arizona were friends now, but it’s been two weeks and this is the first we’ve seen you.”

“First of all, you’re the only one seeing me.”  Cristina waved her hand in front of Arizona’s eyes, as if to prove her point.  She flopped into the chair next to Callie.  “And it’s been two weeks because I was hoping she’d come back on her own, but I guess I have to help.  Or I have to at least tell you what happened out there.  For her.”  She nodded toward Arizona.

Callie raised a brow, “But you guys don’t talk about it.”

“We don’t need too.  Mer and Derek talk to each other about it.  I’ve been telling Owen…  No one else needs to know what the hell happened out there.  And we don’t need to rehash it because we lived it.  But Arizona has a story of survival too and she’s not talking and you deserve to know.”  Cristina cleared her throat, “That is, if you want to know it.”

Callie’s eyes moved from Cristina to Arizona, “Of course I want to know.  I want her to open up and talk to me; to tell me what happened and why she’s resorted to this state…”

“I get it.  I think I was almost there with her.”  Cristina said softly.  This was the most serious Callie could remember Cristina being in a long time.  “Four days is a long time to be lost.  We had little to no equipment, but we did our best to keep everyone alive and well.  Arizona was in shock immediately.  She was screaming and wouldn’t stop.  I’m not even sure she realized that it was her voice until I yelled at her to stop.”

Callie felt her eyes well with water, but kept quiet, listening closely to Cristina.

“The break in her leg was bad, but she was laughing in shock with the pilot.  It was kind of funny when he told us later that she said she was staring at her bone and married to an orthopedic surgeon.”  Cristina and Callie both chuckled softly.  “She splinted her leg herself while we searched for Derek and Lexie.  When we found Lexie, I knew she was going to die.  Mark stayed with her and Meredith and I kept looking for Derek.”

Cristina licked her lips before rubbing a hand over her face.  “It was shortly after Lexie died that we realized Mark had a cardiac tamponade.  We did everything we could to save him.  I would hear Arizona talking to him throughout the day and night, telling him that you and Sofia were waiting for him.  She never complained, not even when I was picking bugs out of the wound in her leg.  She was strong, even when forced to drink her own urine.”
“It was worse than anything you could imagine.  And we all lived through it.  And it’s a shame that people died, but she’s alive.  And she’s coping.  And if this is how she has to do it, then so be it, because if it was up to me, I’d like to sleep for a couple of weeks and forget about it too.”  Cristina sighed and leaned back in the chair.

When Callie realized that Cristina was lost in thought, she turned to Arizona and was shocked to see tears streaming from her eyes.  She leaned in and wiped the tears from her cheeks and that’s when she realized that Arizona was staring at her; her blue eyes wide and pooling more tears.  “Arizona?”

Cristina looked up hearing Callie and noticed that Arizona was finally coming back.  She gripped Callie’s shoulder for a moment, then turned and left the room.

Arizona opened her mouth, but no sound came out.  She licked her lips and just stared at Callie while continuing to cry.

“Arizona!”  Callie’s smile was wide and breathtaking as she wrapped her arms around her wife tightly.  “Oh thank goodness.”

“Too tight…” Arizona whispered.

“Oh, sorry!”  Callie laughed as she leaned back to look into Arizona’s face.  Her hands immediately slid over Arizona’s cheeks as she stared into her eyes.  The dead eyes were gone, back were the brilliant blue of the woman she loved.  They had pain and hurt held within them, but also love.  Callie could feel the love all over while looking into those eyes.  “How are you feeling?”

Arizona’s eyes pooled with fresh tears, “Like I just survived a plane crash.”

Callie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so she offered a soft chuckle and was rewarded with a small smile on Arizona’s face.  “You did survive, honey.”  Callie took a deep breath, her eyes never leaving Arizona’s while her hands moved up and down her cheeks to shoulders and back.  “You are the strongest person I know and you just… you amaze me.”

Arizona felt her cheeks heat up at Callie’s words, but then slowly looked away.  “I almost gave up.”  She heaved a broken sigh and licked her lips, unable to look at Callie.  “I was in so much pain.  And I could feel… I could feel them moving under my skin.”  She swallowed the large lump in her throat and took a moment to collect her thoughts.  “It would… it could have been so easy… you know, to just slip away.  But I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing you again; of n-never seeing Sofia again.”

Callie felt her heart breaking into pieces.  She just wanted to wrap her arms around Arizona and never let go, but she just remained quiet and watched as Arizona sorted through her thoughts.  She was torn though and staying quiet was proving difficult, because all she wanted to do was run out of the room and scream with happiness that her wife was awake; awake and alive after being lost for so long.

Arizona finally turned her eyes back to Callie and smiled softly, “So I talked to Mark.  I t-told him what was waiting for us, but it was as much for him as it was for me.  I n-needed to hear it just as much as he d-did… maybe even m-more.”  There was silence for several moments.  “It’s gone, isn’t it?”

“What?” Callie asked breathlessly.

“My leg… it’s gone, isn’t it?”  Arizona stared at Callie, waiting for the answer which she already knew.

Callie nodded slowly and swallowed the huge lump that formed in her throat.  “In Boise.  They didn’t want to take any chances with the infection.  It was…” she released a long breath before continuing, “…it was so bad.  There was no choice, they had to amputate or risk the infection getting worse and moving through your body.”  She sighed softly, tears falling unbidden down her cheeks.

“It’s okay, Calliope, I knew the moment I ripped my pants open and saw the b-bone.”  She smiled at Callie and reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers together.  “And I know I was in shock.  I laughed, because the first thought in my head was you over my shoulder telling me how beautiful my tibia was.”

“Well, I do have to admit, you have some pretty hot bones.”  Callie’s free hand traced along Arizona’s jaw gently.  The two smiled at each other, love radiating from their eyes and hearts.

A clearing of the throat by the door broke them both from the look.  “Well, seems miracles do happen in the psych ward and not just in the operating room,” Miranda Bailey said as she walked further into the room, her arms full with a squirmy toddler.

“I’m in psych?” Arizona asked with a look of horror on her face.

“Hey now, don’t be like that.  Had I just crashed in a plane, I’d be right there next to you,” Bailey said as she walked closer to the bed and deposited Sofia next to Arizona.  A baby would be the perfect buffer against any sort of crazy that might come up.

“Mama.” Sofia said as he little arms wrapped around Arizona’s neck.

Tears were streaming from Arizona’s eyes.  She let go of Callie’s hand and wrapped both of her arms around her daughter, one hand gently cradling Sofia’s head against her neck.  “Hi baby girl.  Mama missed you so much.”

“Hmph, I see how it is,” Bailey said while leaning against the hospital bed.

“Hi Bailey, I missed you so much too,” Arizona said in a deadpan tone.

Callie and Bailey both grinned.

“I just wanted to bring you that adorable baby girl when I heard the good news,” Bailey said with a smile.

“We haven’t told anyone that she woke up… not even the psych nurses have been in here yet,” Callie said with a laugh.

“Have you forgotten who I am?” Bailey said with a straight face.  There was silence for a few moments before she cracked a smile, “Cristina was telling Meredith down stairs and I just happened to hear.”

They all laughed softly before Bailey gently patted Arizona’s shoulder, “Glad you’re awake.  I’m going to let you have some time with your family.”  She started to move toward the door, “Oh and don’t worry about your department, Karev has been keeping things in order.”  She waved her hand as she walked out of the door, closing it behind herself.

Bailey stopped by the window which looked in on the little family and smiled as the three all hugged one another.  For the past two weeks, she’d been scared of who Arizona would be when she finally snapped out of the state she was in.  She had every reason to close down, close off, just disappear and for two weeks she did, but now, it looks like she’s back.  And amazingly enough it appeared as though the entire family was at peace with the situation.  It just proves that even though bad things can happen to good people, the best people can roll with the punches and come out stronger than they ever thought they could be.

Oh Christmas Tree

Title: Oh Christmas Tree
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Canon:  Though I had to move the timeline around for my convenience (much like the actual writers!), so I doubt it will even be noticed. :P
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.
A/N:  Hi everyone!  MERRY CHRISTMAS (or whatever other holiday you choose to celebrate).  This story is a Secret Santa gift for the totally rad zenparadox!  The prompt I was given was: [Warm, loving, happy, mostly canon story. They've reconciled, but aren't quite 'back' yet...Xmas moves them closer. Any rating is fine.]  I hope I’ve done it justice (I tried to get close to that prompt) and that you like it. :D

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It’s been six months since Arizona moved back in with Callie.  The tone in the apartment was cold for the first two weeks, but eventually ice melts and the water can be cleaned away, leaving things shiny and new.  Once they both let go of all the baggage they were holding tight too, they were able to move on.  Therapy helped, of course, Arizona going on her own once a week and a couple’s session once every other week.  They were sorting through things and uncovering the love they still held for each other by digging through their crap and unearthing it.

It wasn’t easy, not by a long shot, but it was worth it.  And before they knew it, they hit a honeymoon like stage of their relationship again.  It started three months ago, shortly after they decided to buy a house.  It took two weeks, but they found a quaint home in a fairly traditional neighborhood.  The schools nearby were good and a lot of kids lived on the street.  It had a nice backyard and seemed perfect for their little family.

And though things seemed to be going well, something was off.  Things hadn’t quite gotten to where they once were and it bothered Callie… because she knew Arizona was still so hard on herself for the mistakes she made, despite both of them claiming to forgiven one another.

“Your puppy is staring at you again,” Callie said with a little edge in her tone.  She was mostly not being serious, just teasing her wife.

“She’s not staring at me, she’s watching our surgery.  And she’s definitely not my puppy.  If we were to get a puppy it would be small and cute and we could dress it up in sweaters and costumes… and ooh, that puppy would be Sofia’s best friend and can you just imagine how cute they would be together?”  Arizona’s eyes were in the abdomen she was currently working on, but Callie’s eyes were on her wife.  This bubbly and sweet Arizona finally made her way back after months of being covered by despondent and angry Arizona.  It was nice to see all the colors of Arizona’s personality back, even if she did have a bit of a depressed edge once in a while.  And who doesn’t?

“It’s what happens when you give a dog a bone.  It latches on and doesn’t ever want to let go.  And let’s face it, you give good bone,” Callie grinned while turning back to the femur she just fixed.  She was proud of her work, not only on the body below her, but at teasing her wife as well.  It took them awhile to get this comfortable with one another again.

Arizona made a noise like she was choking for a moment and shook her head, “Really, Callie?”

“Oh yeah, she’s probably up there pouting because she can’t figure out that thing you do with your tongue and she knows she’ll never experience it again.”

“Oh my god, enough!” Arizona was feeling beyond embarrassed now.  She glanced around the room, scrub nurses and various personnel quietly laughing, but pretending not to hear the conversation.

“Oh no, I get to enjoy this because now it’s allowed to be pretty funny.  I mean, you turned me down for being a newborn and there you go, jumping into bed with a puppy,” Callie was grinning widely as she finished her last suture.

Arizona sighed and then frowned when she realized all eyes were on her for a retort.  One of which she didn’t really have.  “I see you’re done down there, Dr. Torres.  Why don’t you scrub out and make sure there are no other emergent cases that could use your expertise in the ER while I finish up here.”

Callie raised a brow while she looked at Arizona, who was doing her best to not even glance away from the body she was working.  Callie bit her lip softly as she came to the conclusion she pushed the teasing a little too far.  “Come on, Arizona, you know I was just …”

Arizona smiled and looked up at Callie, “It’s fine, I know, but I’m sure you’re needed everywhere, with the bus crash and all and I’m almost done anyway, so go ahead.”

Callie stared at Arizona for a moment before turning and heading to scrub out.  She sighed once she hit the sinks and cursed herself softly because she pushed a little too far.  Arizona still holds a residual cloud over her head about the affair and her dalliance with Leah.  She’s been trying to push Arizona out of it for weeks, but it hasn’t seemed to help at all.  Hopefully, with Christmas coming up soon she can help Arizona get out of the funk permanently.

That’s it!  Christmas.  Callie pulled her phone from her pocket and made a few calls.  She was going to have their house decorated before Arizona got home and try to push her to open up.  She’d be taking a risk, but since the therapy Arizona has been better about not completely shutting down.  It’s why Callie’s been stumped about the attitude she was shown earlier in the day by Arizona.

_____  _____  _____

Three hours later the house was a virtual winter wonderland.  Stockings hung snugly over the fire place and lights lit up the outside, as well as parts of the inside.  Sofia helped Callie and some of the workers she hired to trim the tree and the house.  The entire place looked beautiful and reminded her of the large Christmas parties her parents used to host when she was a child.

Callie was finishing a batch of cookies when Arizona walked into the house, her jaw open wide at the site.  She followed the smell of cookies and found Callie in a cute red and white dress, oven mitts over hands holding a baking pan filled with sugar cookies.  They grinned at each other as Arizona grabbed a hot cookie and popped it into her mouth.

“Mmm, those are really good,” she said while chewing.

“Hey, you’re going to ruin your dinner,” Callie said with a chuckle as she put the cookies down to cool.

“Oh, that’s not possible.  I’m starving.  I had five surgeries, back to back and never had a chance to eat lunch or even grab a snack,” Arizona said while grabbing another cookie, quickly taking a bite.

“Mama, ‘ookie!” Sofia said as she followed Arizona into the kitchen.

“Oh, my big girl, does she want a bite?” Arizona handed Sofia the rest of her cookie and grinned as Sofia immediately put part of it in her mouth.
“Oh great, now you’re going to ruin her dinner too,” Callie said while plopping the oven mitts on the counter and then walking over to watch Sofia.
“It’s Christmas time, it’s okay to be a little bad.”

“No!  Sofia good. Sofia presents!” the little girl said with her mouth full of cookie.

“That’s right, big girl, you’ve been so good, I bet you’re going to get lots of presents!”  Arizona picked Sofia up and tickled her gently.  Callie just smiled while watching them.

“The place is pretty spruced up.  When did you have time to do all this?” Arizona said with a look of wonder as she walked with Sofia back into the living room with Callie following close behind.

“Today.  I took part of the day off.  I felt bad for all the joking in the O.R. and figured this would be a nice way to make it up to you,” Callie said sheepishly.

“Oh Callie, I’m sorry…” Arizona sighed and put Sofia down, who wandered to her nearest toy.  “I didn’t mean to get so short with you, I just…”

“You just what?” Callie prompted her to continue.

“Nothing, I’m going to go take a shower.  The place looks wonderful, really.  Thank you.”  She kissed Callie’s cheek and ran off before Callie could stop her.

An hour and a half later, dinner was finished and the trio was relaxing in the living room, watching the Grinch steal Christmas again.  Sofia was sleeping in Arizona’s lap, while Arizona was completely engrossed in the television program.  Callie had to hold back her laughter.  She finally sat up and pulled the snoozing Sofia into her arms.  “I’m going to put her into bed.”

Arizona looked up and nodded, then gave Sofia’s chubby cheeks lots of kisses before whispering goodnight to her.  She watched Callie leave the room and sighed deeply.  No place to hide.  No place to avoid.  And she knew Callie was going to come back to the room, guns blazing, with only Arizona locked in her sights.

The anticipation was wreaking havoc within her.  She felt her stomach swirl and tumble, her throat felt dry, and her palms felt wet.  It shouldn’t be this hard to talk to Callie about things, but it still was.  Especially when it came to talking about her personal failures in their relationship, which were piling so high, she was scared falling from that pedestal would kill her.  She didn’t want to rock the boat anymore… in fact; she never wanted to get back on that damn boat again.

It took only thirty minutes and Callie was back in the living room.  She was wearing a onesie covered with reindeer and Santa’s and she strutted through the room, pretending as though she were modelling the holiday pajamas.

Arizona’s giggles were infectious as she watched, “You promised me that you would never wear them, no matter how much I begged!”

“Well, some promises are meant to be broken,” Callie said with a smile as she spun around.

The meaning behind those words was not lost on Arizona at all.  She nodded while forcing the lump that formed in her throat down, but she couldn’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes.

“Why don’t you go get into your obnoxious and atrocious pajamas so we can be a matching pair?” Callie said with a grin.  “I’m going to grab some cookies for us, okay?”

Arizona nodded and headed upstairs to change.  She came back down moments later wearing a bright blue onesie covered with snowmen and snowballs.  She had a wide smile on her face and she twirled her way to the couch, collapsing next to Callie.  She ninja’d a cookie from Callie’s plate and popped it quickly into her mouth.  “Mmm, these are so good.”

Callie smiled and pinched Arizona’s side, “See, you make those pajamas look adorable.  I just look like a Christmas tree in all this red and green.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with looking like our Christmas tree?” Arizona pointed to the tree near the corner of the room.  “Look how beautiful it is.  It’s full and bright green.  The ornaments are perfectly set around so to not look cluttered.  The tinsel is bright and I can tell how much care you took deciding where everything went, and then the lights, blinking and shining with happiness.  There’s nothing wrong with looking like that.”

Callie shook her head and laughed, “I was just meaning big and green, but there you go, making my statement silly and making me feel beautiful in a Christmas onesie.”

“Well, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me,” Arizona’s eyes were shining with the truth in her statement.

“I know that, Arizona, which is why we need to talk,” Callie stood up and grabbed Arizona’s hands, tugging her up as well.  “A few years ago, when I was really close to George, he told me about this thing Izzie did at Christmas.  She would lie beneath the tree and stare up into the lights.  One year, Meredith and George did it with her and he told me that with all the crazy going on in his life at that moment, he felt at peace, under the tree with his family, staring at the beauty above.  Almost like a star filled sky, only more colorful.”

Callie pointed to a spot under the tree, where there were two pillows and a blanket.  With the lights off, the room was a romantic Christmas scene and perfect to share with Arizona.  She helped Arizona down and then followed her.  They laid next to one another, shoulder to shoulder, and stared up into the tree.  There was certainly a calmness that they instantly felt and Callie finally understood what George meant all those years ago.
Callie’s hand found Arizona’s and intertwined their fingers.  “Now, will you finally talk to me about what is going on with you?”

Arizona sighed, her eyes not leaving the shiny rainbow above them.  “You keep joking about it now, Callie… but I don’t think it will ever be funny to me.”  Arizona sniffled and did her best to keep the tears at bay.  “I made so many mistakes because of how insecure and lost I felt.  Those feelings just come back when I hear you talking about it.  And I know you’re not trying to make me feel that way, but I just can’t keep those feelings away.”

Callie felt ashamed of herself.  She thought joking about the affairs would minimize them and help them move on and that might have worked for her, but with Arizona’s trauma, she can understand how that may have not worked the same way for her.  “Oh, Arizona, I’m sorry… why didn’t you tell me sooner, I would have cut that out immediately.”

“Because it was helping you, Calliope,” Arizona said before releasing a long sigh.  “You were putting those women in their place, in your own way and it was helping you come to terms with everything.  And I really had no right to change how you cope with the mistakes I made.”

“We’ve been talking in therapy and moving through everything, you could have brought it up there.”

“No, Callie… I wanted you to be able to do what you needed to be with me, because I love you.  And I want to be with you, and only you, for the rest of my life.”  She squeezed Callie’s hand gently.

“Arizona…”  Callie sighed and turned her head.  She reached out and turned Arizona’s head so that they could look at one another.  “I forgave you.  You forgave me.  We’re moving on.  We’re embracing one another for worse and for better because we belong together.”

“Did you just quote 80’s rock lyrics at me..?” Arizona asked with a laugh, eyes shining with mirth.

“Maybe, but hey, don’t get off track here,” Callie responded with a laugh.  “What I’m trying to say is that from everything we’ve learned in therapy, we really need to talk to each other and really hear one another.  You should feel comfortable coming to me with how you feel, because I want to know.  And I really need to know, so that we don’t go down that dark road again.  I never want to be in a place where we’ve lost one another like that again.”

Arizona quickly wiped the tears from her eyes with her free hand.  “I’m trying, Calliope.  I’m sorry.  You’re right, I should be better about opening up to you, but old habits die hard, I guess, huh?”  She sheepishly smiled at Callie.  The same smile that Callie sees on Sofia’s face all the time, despite not being blood related.

“I know you are.  And I am too.  And I’m trying to help you, just like you help me.  We’re getting stronger; I know you can feel it, because I can, which is why you holding this back has been painful.  I was waiting for you, but with Christmas here, I figured a little push couldn’t hurt.”  She scooted closer to Arizona and nuzzled their noses together.

“I love you so much,” and Arizona kissed her; lips softly caressing one another as she pulled Callie into her arms, both pulling back slowly and smiling at one another.  “Guess George was right about the tree thing.”

“I guess so.”

“We should make a tradition for our family.  On the night we decorate the tree, we’ll all climb into our Christmas pajamas,” she paused and watched as Callie rolled her eyes.  She laughed softly, “and then we’ll crawl under the tree together and stare at the rainbow lights while considering how lucky we are to be together; just you, me, and all of our kids.”

“All of our kids..?” Callie asked with a breathtaking smile.

“I think I’m ready; that we’re ready, actually.”  She nodded and pulled Callie’s hand to her face and kissed it softly.  “What do you think?  Do you want to have another baby and finally give Sofia a sibling?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Callie pulled Arizona in for a searing kiss, which quickly lead to more and what would become another tradition they would try and share every year; making love beneath the Christmas tree.

30 Days Later

Title: 30 Days Later
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: R

Summary: 30 days after the storm.

A/N  I have no idea why I’m bothering publishing this here, most of the community doesn’t seem to like my stuff.  But here I am once again.  I wrote this months ago.  I've been sitting on it, hoping for inspiration to add more, but I've got nothing and felt like sharing this, I guess.

A month after the super storm came and went, Callie still felt like she was moving through a fog.  Everything was dense around her and she couldn’t see an end in sight, but she was forced to keep moving for Sofia.  She couldn’t just stop and process and work things out in her mind or otherwise because she had a daughter who didn’t deserve to have her life disrupted because of infidelity, regardless of what caused it or who was at fault.

She hadn’t spoken to Arizona since their shouting match in an on-call room the night of the storm.  After uttering the words ‘Apparently, I lost you’ they stood and stared at one another for close to ten minutes, then Arizona nodded slightly, spun on her leg and left the room.  That was the last time she even saw Arizona.  She had no desire to talk to her, even though every fiber of her being knew Arizona was hurting.

The cheating and blaming was just part of Arizona acting out, because she was not okay.  At all.  And Callie knew it, but she left.  Even though she promised Arizona she wouldn’t, but she couldn’t take it after everything they’d be through.  She may not have been on that plane, but that didn’t change the fact her life was desperately changed by it.  Maybe not nearly as drastically as Arizona’s life was changed, but changed nonetheless.

She pushed too hard, too fast to get things back to how they were pre-crash.  In hindsight she realized she never gave Arizona the time to heal emotionally and now she was acting out and, when Callie was honest with herself she knew that Arizona had every right too.  She was as much at fault for Arizona cheating as Arizona was and that thought just broke her heart even more, but she wasn’t ready to face her wife, not yet.

Callie sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she reread the chart in front of her for the fourth time.  Her brain just didn’t want to stop.  She wanted to work and get her mind off her turbulent life, but her dumb brain just doesn’t relent.  She felt a presence next to her and glanced over to see Cristina step next to her.

“So yeah, we have something more in common now.  You know, the cheating-spouses-and-break-ups club,” Cristina said as she grabbed the chart out of Callie’s hands.  “I thought you finished with Minced Meat this morning?”  She glanced at the clock; it was four in the afternoon.

 Callie snatched the chart back and quickly added a note that she had forgotten earlier.  “I finished the surgery at eleven.”

Cristina eyed her, “Jeeze, lost in thought much?”

“Cristina.”  Callie sighed, “And maybe we don’t have as much in common as you think.  We didn’t break up.”

“Have you even seen her since the storm?” Cristina asked.

Callie shook her head no and finally signed off on the chart and handed it to a nearby nurse.

“Sounds like a break up to me.” Cristina shrugged.

“Well, you’re not me.”  Callie spun on her heels and walked into the doctor’s lounge on the orthopedic floor, Cristina was hot on her tail.

“Do you even know where she’s staying?” Cristina asked.

Another shake of Callie’s head and a shrug, “She needs time to process.  I need time to process.  It’s how we work.”

“And it’s been so successful, hasn’t it?” Cristina laughed as she flopped onto a nearby couch.

It was only then that Callie noticed Karev, Meredith, Kepner, and Avery were already in the lounge.  She took a deep breath and started to rub the incoming headache out of her forehead.  “What is this; an intervention?  I think you guys are talking to the wrong person.”  She chuckled and grabbed a cup, pouring herself a cup of crappy coffee.

“She hasn’t left the hospital,” Meredith said softly.

“She doesn’t talk anymore…” that was Alex.  His normally present scowl wasn’t on his face, only a thin frown.

“To anyone,” Cristina added at the end of that.

“She’s working,” Avery said.

“A lot,” Kepner added with a shake of her head, “I don’t think she’s slept in over fifty hours.”

“I forced her to go home and she didn’t even fight it,” Avery said and then glanced at the others before looking Callie in the eyes, “Fix it.”  He turned and walked out of the room, Kepner following him like a puppy.

Callie’s eyebrows furrowed and she barked a laugh, “I don’t even know where she’s staying.”

“Her office,” Karev said as he stood up.  He licked his lips and stared at Callie for several moments, “Look, I know she screwed up...”  He glanced at Cristina and Meredith, who were attempting to look like they weren’t interested in what they were saying.  “… And she knows it too.”

Alex looked Callie in the eyes; her eyes were just as sad as Arizona’s.  They were both in so much pain and he felt a little guilty for being so happy with Jo.  “Forgive her, don’t forgive her, it’s not like it would really matter because I can tell you now she’s never going to forgive herself.  The last real conversation I had with her all she did was berate herself and say how she was a horrible person…  Seriously, something is broken there and we’ve all sat around and watched her deteriorate before our very eyes because we figured she’d snap out of it or something, but she’s not.  And she may not realize it or want to accept it and maybe you don’t either, but she needs you and you haven’t even tried to talk to her in over a month!”

When Alex raised his voice, Meredith and Cristina both sat up, moving like they were going to interrupt, but Callie raised her hand, letting them know it was okay, so they just leaned back and watched.

Callie finally looked away from Alex’s intense stare, “She hasn’t talked to me.  Or tried to reach me… At all, and honestly, that’s fine, I can accept that, but she hasn’t even asked about Sofia!  So, I should drop everything, the issues, the hurt, the pain and go to her and push things?  Pushing things is what got us to the point we are now!”

Callie ran a hand through her hair and put the coffee cup she was holding down.  She cleared her throat, pushing back the tightness she felt there and the starting of tears in her eyes.  “The one thing I’ve realized in this past month is that we’re never going to completely understand what the survivors of that plane crash went through, Alex.”

She glanced at Meredith and Cristina; both looked sheepishly away from Callie.  “I wasn’t on that plane and Arizona was right, I acted like I was.”  She took another deep breath before continuing, “I pushed her to be her old self, but she changed the second that plane fell out of the sky.  I should have never been her doctor, but she was distraught and so upset, how was I supposed to deny her?”

Callie wiped a tear from her cheek, “Any other patient, I would have never made a promise like that.  NEVER.  But this was my wife.  And she was alive and crying and freaking out and it was breaking me watching her hold things together for Sofia, then break down with me.  That dumb promise I made!”  She took a moment to clear her throat again, “Derek’s hand is fixed.  Meredith and Cristina have no residual physical reminders of that crash.  They all leaned on one another as crash survivors and worked through their PTSD together, but Arizona…  All she had was… me…”

Callie’s voice broke and she licked her lips for a moment.  “All she had was me and I pushed her.  I yelled at her to get back to herself, while she yelled at me that she was in pain over a broken promise.  I never thought about how deeply that would affect her; I just wanted my god damned wife back.  And when she was broken, on the floor lying in her own urine, I flung her in the shower and cried about how this was my life too.  She changed then, pretended she was getting better.  I didn’t even think that something was wrong, because she was coming back to herself.  And then I got bitchy about sex.”

Alex looked at Cristina and Meredith uncomfortably, but none of them were willing to interrupt Callie.  This seemed to be a cathartic release for her, so they would give it to her and listen.  It was amazing how these two women loved each other, but neither were willing to lean on the other and now they were both full of hurt and regrets.

 “So I know I had a part in where we are now.  I don’t know why she did what she did, but maybe it was all about trust and broken promises.  Evening the score, which she managed and I’m incredibly hurt, but there’s a part of me that understands it.”  She stared at her wedding ring, which still circled her finger.  “But she hasn’t even asked about Sofia and that…” Callie gritted her teeth before shaking her head, “That I can’t understand.”

There was complete silence in the room for several moments before Alex reached out and grabbed Callie’s shoulder, squeezing it gently, “Arizona is punishing herself, so she’s doing the easiest thing she can think of to do that: Staying away from most important things to her.”  He looked sadly at her once more, then turned and walked out of the room.

Callie’s eyes widened with the truth of Alex’s words.  She hadn’t even thought of that…

“You may not have been on the plane with us, but you have helped us come together, Callie.”  Meredith stood up, pulling Cristina up with her.  “And yeah, Arizona may have got the worst out of everything, but she’s alive.  She needs to come to terms with that, but what she’s doing right now isn’t healthy.”

“From what Alex says, she barely talks to her patients anymore.  She doesn’t run around getting them chocolate pudding and stuff like she used too.  I think he’s right about the punishing crap.”  Cristina just shrugged and tugged Meredith toward the door, “And by the way, we did try this on her and all she did was stand there while we all yapped.”

“Then she asked if we were done and walked out of the room with a blank look on her face,” Meredith said with a small frown.

“Okay, okay…” Callie swallowed the large lump that formed in her throat and nodded slightly.  “Thank you for telling me.”

The two left Callie alone in the lounge.  She stood there digesting the information she was just given before slamming her fist against the counter.  She grimaced and sighed before flopping on the couch.  She had never felt such a jumble of emotions invade her system before in her life.  So many crappy things have happened to her, but nothing affected her to the core like her wife breaking her trust.

She wanted to just be angry, but it all came back to trust.  And she broke her wife’s trust too.  And this wasn’t a competition, but honestly, how do you even compete with a leg amputation?

You don’t.

She exhaled heavily and rubbed at her forehead again.  She understood her wife a little better after the little blow out following the storm.  She didn’t have to hang out with Lauren Boswell for a long time to see the draw she had.  She was perky, smart, an amazing surgeon wanted by hospitals all over the world.

Just like Arizona once was.

And she would have to be blind to not see the ways Arizona changed as their relationship blossomed.  She grew in positive ways, as did Callie, but there was a lot of bending on Arizona’s behalf.  She bent on kids, gave up one of the most prestigious grants, and became friends with Mark Sloan…  Lauren is what Arizona could have been, had Callie never met her.

What a depressing thought.

No, she loves Arizona.  And losing a leg and cheating are not going to break them permanently, just bend them a little for a while.
For a week she was angry.  Really angry and her friends knew it.  Avoidance had been a strong point for both of them during their relationship, so she figured they’d avoid for a while, but then come back together.  When she hadn’t even seen Arizona after another week had passed, she just let the anger go.  She wasn’t really angry anymore, she was worried and scared.  Worried that he wife was changed to drastically and permanently for them to fix anything and scared she’d have to give the woman up.  The next two weeks the fears grew the longer she hadn’t seen Arizona, but the anger started to simmer again; anger at the blonde for not even attempting to see Sofia, let alone herself.

But Karev, of all people, made such a logical point that Callie understood now.  She was absolutely positive Arizona was punishing herself.  She was just thankful that the woman was still alive and working, because for a second, just a desperate moment, she wondered if Arizona would have tried to kill herself, because it finally computed that maybe Arizona would have rather died, than be alive without her leg.

And that thought was absolutely the most heartbreaking for Callie.  She couldn’t even imagine the pain Arizona was putting herself through, but part of her realized that she never checked on Arizona because subconsciously, she wanted her to suffer.  They always knew how to hurt each other the most.

Isn’t that a part of loving someone though?  You make yourself completely vulnerable to them.  They know your strengths, but your weaknesses as well.  They loved each other so completely that they knew exactly what to say to break each other down.  And when insecurity and fear overtook them, they hurled daggers at each other, each aimed with precision to do the most damage.  That was part of love.  The other part, she supposed, was knowing and understanding this and being able to forgive the harsh moments and be better for one another.

Callie wasn’t sure she could step up this time.  She had done it, wholeheartedly and repeatedly.  She let Arizona take out all her anger and frustration on her.  She forgave her wife for not being interested in living for weeks after waking up without a leg.  She truly thought things were getting better, but after the storm, she realized she was not helping her wife at all.  She really should have forced Arizona to not have her as a doctor, forced her to seek someone to help her cope with her anger.  By being a scapegoat, then pushing for Arizona to get to her old self, she did more harm than good.

Another thing she’d have to fix.  And the fact she wanted to fix it really helped her realize that she not only still loved Arizona, but she’d already forgiven her wife for her infidelity.  It was a mistake, one made by her wife who was most definitely suffering through post-traumatic stress disorder.  Trust and promises were broken, but more promises could be made and trust can be earned once again.  She was willing to give Arizona that chance, if Arizona could do the same for her.

Would she?
___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

Arizona was standing at the nurses’ station writing vigorously in a chart.  A young blonde nurse stepped behind her and waited several moments before Arizona slowed her writing and glanced at the girl.

No words were spoken and Arizona stared at the nurse.

“Uhm, Dr. Robbins?” the girl said sheepishly.

More staring.

“The Nelson kid is complaining of pain.  He’s six hours post op and hasn’t had any pain medication administered yet…” she spoke softly and kept looking into Arizona’s face, then glancing to the ground, then back again.

Arizona stared back at her.

The nurse assumed she was listening, “So…” She paused, the staring continued for a moment, “Uhm…”  Arizona tilted her head slightly and then narrowed her eyes.  The nurse felt uncomfortable and glanced away again, “Uh, would you like me to give him an initial dose of morphine and check his pain level in four hours?”

Arizona nodded and then turned back to her chart and continued writing, effectively dismissing the nurse.  The poor blonde girl scurried away to administer the medication on the boy she spoke of.

“Weren’t you sent home?”  Alex said gruffly as he stepped up to the nurses’ station and handed a chart to a dark haired nurse behind the counter.

Arizona shrugged, still writing.

“Avery seemed pretty serious when he told you to go home,” he continued.

Another shrug.

Alex sighed deeply, “Arizona, let’s go talk somewhere.  Maybe talking about it will help, because working yourself ragged and not talking is not helping.”

She shook her head, slammed the chart shut, and dropped it behind the nurses’ station.  She then spun on her real leg and slowly limped away.  Arizona sighed.  Having a one legged tantrum certainly wasn’t as effective as a two legged one.

She limped to her office and slipped behind the door, shutting it and locking it behind her.  She leaned against the door for a moment, before pain shot up her nonexistent leg and exploded throughout her body.  She leaned over and immediately took her prosthetic off.  She leaned the limb against the couch on her left and then leaned back against the door again with a sigh.

Glancing around her office, she frowned.  She didn’t remember leaving it as messy as it was, but hey, that’s wear and tear for living in an office.  She had a bag full of dirty scrubs which she needed to dump in the locker room so they would be cleaned.  She made a mental note to go to the Laundromat behind the hospital to wash her unmentionables.  She hadn’t even been back to the apartment for clothes; she just bought some necessities at the nearby discount store and lived in scrubs.  The thought made her laugh, since she always complained about wearing them.  At least they were comfortable, which is more than what can be said for her leg.

If she wasn’t so despondent she would have laughed at the thought.

She heard a grumble and looked down at her stomach, a nauseous feeling fell over her stomach and ran to her head.  She couldn’t remember the last time she ate and despite the sound and the feeling, she honestly wasn’t hungry.  Using furniture to help her balance, she maneuvered herself behind her desk.  She opened the drawer on the right and pulled out a box of crackers.  She opened it and shoved a cracker unceremoniously into her mouth.

She felt sore all over and the chewing wasn’t helping.  She opened the bottle of water on her desk and took a long pull, forcing the food down her throat.  She then leaned back in her chair, debating whether or not to have another one.  Feeling the dry, itchiness that it left in her throat, she decided against another cracker.

Was this really her life now?

How could she have done this to her family; to herself?  What would her father, or worse, what would Timothy have to say to her now?  Her life just seemed to become one disappointment after another for the past few years and she had no idea how to stop herself from spiraling even further out of control.  For the past month, all she had done was sit around and wallow in these thoughts and the worst thought of all: did she cheat to push Callie even further away from her?

Mark was right.  When things get tough, she bails.  What a depressing thought.  Here she was, bailing again, after begging Callie not to run.  Callie should’ve run as far as she could the moment Arizona woke up in the hospital.

Her dark thoughts were interrupted by her pager; 911 to the pit.  She rolled her eyes and struggled to move toward her leg, doing her best to put it on as quickly as possible.  Why didn’t they just page Karev and leave her alone?  He’d beat her down there by well over ten minutes and he’d already have assessed and examined and by the time she arrived, they’d all be moving to the operating room.  She’d have wasted all of her energy getting down there, then back up to the OR floor and stand uncomfortably and in pain while operating for who knows how long.

Maybe it was time to throw in the towel.  Instead of doing big surgeries on little people, it’s time for her to do little diseases on little people.  Another depressing thought that plagued her, being just a plain pediatrician.  It made better sense for a person with her physical disability, especially if she ever got around to talking to Callie about Sofia.  She could sit through consults.  Have normal hours.  Live a boring life.  Alone, of course, because she managed to ruin everything good she once had.

This thought had often crossed her mind, but she never brought it up to Callie while they were still together.  She just knew if she did throw in the towel and give up the career she worked so hard to achieve, Callie would blame herself.  She didn’t want to cause Callie more pain than she already had, so she fought.  She fought so hard to get back to who she once was and failed miserably and ruined everything anyway.

Way to go, Arizona.  You really are awesome.

Another sigh escaped her lips as she headed out the door, but the moment before she shut it, she grabbed her crutch.  She was just in too much pain to care about using it right now.

___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

Callie was sitting in her apartment later that evening.  She had just put Sofia to bed and decided to sit on the couch and wallow with a glass of wine.  No sign of Arizona for another evening.  She was at a loss, honestly.  She was hoping Arizona would have woken up by now.  Maybe admit she had some really deep issues and start some counseling to fix them.  Anything to lead Arizona back to Callie’s arms, without Callie forcing it upon her, like she’d been doing since the accident.

She was broken out of her thoughts when her phone rang.  She glanced at the caller I.D. and raised a brow at what she saw.  Why on earth was Barbara Robbins calling her?


“Hello Callie, dear!”  The voice was full of Robbins perk and it automatically brought a smile to her face.  She loved the Robbins dearly and she knew they loved her just as much.  It was so nice having them, especially after the estrangement from her mother.

“Barbara, hiiii, how are you?” Callie leaned back against the couch.

“Oh fine, dear, fine.  You know how it is around here, Daniel’s always busy and I’ve been keeping up with the F.R.P.” It took Callie a moment to remember that Barbara had been volunteering with the Marines Family Readiness Program, especially after the loss of their son.  She devoted a lot of time to helping other families cope with loss.

“That’s great, yeah,” Callie honestly didn’t know what else to say.

“Callie, dear, I’m sorry to be calling you like this, but what is going on?” Leave it to Barbara to be as blunt as possible.  “I’ve spoken to Arizona, as usual, but these past few weeks she’s been distant and barely talking, forcing the calls to end awkwardly.”  There was a deep sign before she continued, “Every time I ask to speak with you, she has another excuse about how you’re not available.  I gave her time, but enough is enough.”

Callie licked her lips as she tried to jumbling a ton of thoughts into a coherent sentence.  She then sighed, “What has she told you, Barb?”

“That’s just it, Callie… She hasn’t told me anything.  Like I said, our conversations have been awkward and heavy handed, like she has the weight of the entire world on her shoulders and when I ask about it, she just closes off or ends the call abruptly.”  Barbara sounded like she was close to tears, “What has that girl done now, Callie?”

Callie almost laughed, but schooled herself quickly and sighed, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, she should, but we haven’t been on good terms for the past month.  Arizona…  She…”  Callie swallowed a soft sob and shook her head, knowing she’d have to get this out, because it was likely Arizona never would, “She cheated on me.”

There was a soft gasp on the other end of the line.

“She’s not okay, Barb.  I’ve done everything I could and made so many mistakes in trying to help her, but I just failed misera—“
Barbara cut her off quickly, “Don’t you dare say that, Callie.  I know what you’ve done for her and I watched you nurse an angry, distraught, and broken woman.  I watched you put her first, even after everything she threw at you, so don’t you dare go there.”

Callie smiled and wiped a tear from her eye, “Thank you, Barbara.”  She sighed again, “Arizona said she made a mistake.  It hurts, but I’ve long forgiven her, but she’s bailed on me and on Sofia.  I’ve been trying to give her space, but it’s not working.”

“What am I going to do with that girl?” Barbara said softly.

They both let that thought simmer for a few moments.  “Do you want me to fly over there, Callie?  Maybe knock some sense in to her?”

They both laughed.  “No, no, give me some time.  I think I’ve given her enough and I guess I’m just going to have to force another issue here.  I want my wife back and I know Sofia wants her Mama back.”

“I’m so sorry, Callie…” Barbara said softly.

“No, don’t be.  She’s sick.  There’s something going on deep inside her.  She still blames me for saving her life, which scares the hell out of me, Barbara…  She’s not really talking and from what others have told me, she’s been working nonstop, so it’s time for me to get involved and I just hope I won’t lose her because of this.” By now, the tears are falling and Callie can’t help but try and sniffle them away.

“I’m behind you one hundred percent, Callie,” Barbara said firmly.  “And regardless of what happened between you and my daughter, you have my number and are always welcome to call me, okay, dear?”

“Thank you, Barbara, you have… you have no idea how much I appreciate that.” Arizona was blessed with wonderful parents.
“Anytime dear and please call me, let me know what’s going on, okay?  I’m worried about her too.”

“I promise, I will.  Goodnight.”

“Goodnight dear.”  They hung up and Callie cried for a little longer.

Tomorrow… she would talk to Arizona.
___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

Arizona sighed again, flipping the envelope slowly in her hands.

She laid her head back against the couch and stared at the ceiling, hands still fiddling with the firm paper in her hands.

She had written it when she thought she was in a difference place, very soon after her amputation.  She thought she was getting better and hid it away, hoping to never see it again and to never read the dark thoughts she once had.  The painful feelings she hid away from everyone, put on page.  She had hoped by burying it away she would even hide it from herself, but she was obviously wrong.

She should have burned it long ago, but here she is with that damn envelope in her hands, entertaining thoughts that she knows she shouldn’t be, but she felt exhausted; and desperate; and heartbreakingly sad.  But she mostly felt angry; not only at Callie, but at herself as well.

Okay, mostly at herself.

Yeah, Arizona was just really, really angry at herself.  She clenched her fists, the envelope and its contents crinkling from the force, and then she just flung it toward her desk.  It landed there and rolled in front of her monitor before finally stopping.  She felt tears starting to fill her eyes, but quickly forced them at bay as her pager went off.

“Damn it…” she glanced at the offending object, noting it was a 911 from Karev.  She struggled to her feet, balancing carefully and grabbed her lab coat on the way out, closing the door behind her.
___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

Callie held her hand up in front of Arizona’s office door and nervously bit her bottom lip before finally knocking on the door.  She waited several moments and glanced around with worry when there was no response.

“Arizona..?” she asked as she turned the knob, surprised the door was not locked when she realized Arizona was not inside.  She stepped into the room, closing the door behind herself and glanced around.  This did not look like Arizona’s office.  The garbage can was filled with food wrappers and containers.  Clothing was hanging on the couch as well as the coat rack near the door.  Arizona was a neat freak and this office was far from neat.

“Oh Arizona…” she frowned as she realized how many tissues were scattered about the room as well.  She walked further into the room and flopped onto the chair behind Arizona’s desk and let her head fall into her hands.  She couldn’t stop the tears which formed in her eyes.

How did she not realize that Arizona was living in her office?  How did she not realize that Arizona needed help?  She let her wife flounder when she knew for a fact that Arizona cheating was a symptom of something going on with her.  She should have been forcing her wife to get professional help, not letting her wallow in self-punishment.

She glanced across Arizona’s desk, various papers and charts were laid out, but there was also a balled up envelope, which she noticed had her name written across it in Arizona’s stern scrawl.  “What is this?” she whispered as she straightened out the envelope.  She stared at the letters written, her finger tracing them, somehow making her feel closer to Arizona than she had felt in the last month.  Hell, the last six months.

Even when they had become intimate again, she could feel part of Arizona holding back.  She wasn’t quite ready, but Callie was desperate and grasping at anything Arizona would offer her, so she pounced, when she really should have taken a step back and really tried to look at the situation.  She should have noticed that Arizona was pushing herself to be who Callie needed, and not giving herself the time and patience she needed to just get better.

She sighed deeply, fingers twitching against the envelope in her hands.  It wasn’t sealed and she could feel paper inside.  She really wanted to read it, but it was crumbled up and Arizona probably intended to throw it away.  Was this an invasion of privacy?  The door wasn’t locked; the envelope was left there, would it be so bad to read it?
___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

Arizona was in the middle of surgery with Karev and Yang.  There was an accident and the sixteen year old on the table had flown out the windshield because she foolishly wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.  Arizona swallowed roughly as she remembered the look on the girl’s face when she was first brought in.  Big, beautiful brown eyes, dark brown hair, Latin complexion… she looked like an older Sofia, a younger Callie; broken like they both were in the accident they had all been in together.  Karev had to force her into action when she froze in the ER.  Now, five hours later, the image was still haunting her while she worked with Karev and Yang to save the young girl.

Only she felt herself freezing up constantly.  She had never been happier to have Karev take the lead in a surgery as she was at this very moment.  She knew he didn’t need to be there, he was an attending now, after all, but he knew something was up in the ER and forced himself into the OR.  She let him take over, observed for the most part, pride in her student and amazed at Yang.
Hour six of the operation was just starting and there was a sudden loud bang and the power in the room disappeared right as the sound ended.  There was a second bang and then there was silence for a long moment.  Then the screaming started.  The room was pitch black, the scream was loud and it cut immediately through the tense air and into Karev’s brain in a painful sting.  The power kicked back on a moment later, Karev assumed it was a backup generator.  He looked across the table at Yang, who was looking down to her left, where the screaming was coming from.

“GET THEM OUT!” Arizona was on the ground, tears streaming from her eyes, her hands scratching at her prosthetic limb.  Her nails had not only broken through the gloves on her hands, but they were bloody from ripping through her scrub pants as well.  She turned and looked up at Cristina, “Yang!  Yang!  Cristina… please… get them out!  GET THEM OUT!  They’re in… in my leg, I can feel them!”  She was scratching at the plastic, through the material of her scrub pants, eyes wide with panic and fear.
“What the hell, Robbins?” Cristina blinked, freezing at the scene in front of her, but only for a moment, because a monitor started blaring that the patient was crashing.  She turned back to patient and quickly starting working to fix whatever was necessary to save the patient.

“Robbins!” it was Karev this time.  He was trying to get Arizona’s attention, but his hands and eyes were in the cavity in front of him.  He and Cristina worked fervently to save the patient while Arizona screamed in the background.  The monitors stopped blaring and Karev realized his work was done, he looked up at Cristina, “Can you finish this and I’ll…”  He nodded his head toward Arizona, who was still on the ground, screaming and scratching at her fake limb.

“Yeah, fine, you deal better with crazy anyway,” Cristina said while she continued to operate.  She looked up at a nurse, “Page Kepner, please.”

The nurse nodded and made her way to the phone in the OR.

She looked back at Alex, “She and I will finish up.  Now get her out of here, I can’t concentrate with that screaming.”
___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

My dearest Calliope,

Can I even call you that anymore, my dearest?  In this moment of clarity, I’m not sure I’m worthy of calling you anything even close to mine.  I’m not sure I’m worthy to even be in the same apartment with you; in the same universe as you; breathing the same air as you…

You are an amazing woman.  You’ve helped me, even when I pushed you and didn’t want to be helped.  And although I may never say it to you, I do appreciate it.  I appreciate and love you.  But right now, I don’t love myself.  And the constant reminder of the plane crash, where my leg used to be, just makes me disgusted and relentlessly in pain.  A constant pain that I just can’t quench and I snap and I hurt you and it just destroys me more and more.

I died, Calliope.  I thought it was just a part of me that disappeared on that mountain, but I was wrong.  I am wrong.  And trying to live with you is so painful.  I know you don’t understand that.  You push me so hard to get back to who I was, but I’m not that girl anymore, Calliope.  That girl disappeared when the plane hit the ground and my broken bones became infected, pushing you into an impossible situation.

Why did you promise me?!  We both knew.  I knew when I first saw my x-ray in Podunk Idaho, but I forced Owen to take me to you, because hearing it from you…  I trusted you.  I put all my trust in you and now…  Now I feel more broken than ever before.  I can’t go on like this anymore, Calliope.  My heart is totally broken, just like my body and soul and I just…  I don’t want to fight anymore, Calliope.

Tim broke his promise to me.  Nick broke his promise to me.  And now you’ve broken this promise to me.  Is that the type of worth I have?  That the people I care about the most constantly break their promises to me?

I am spent, Calliope.  I am just so tired of seeing red, being angry, feeling pain all over.  I just… I hope you understand, because my intentions were never to hurt you.  I know that what I’m about to do is going to hurt you and hurt Sofia, but I just can’t take it anymore.  I’m done hurting.  I’m done hurting you.  I’m done hurting Sofia.

This will be better for everyone, so please, understand that I make this decision for you and our family.

And never forget that I loved you. And I will always love you.


Callie sat in Arizona’s chair, staring off into space after reading the letter inside the envelope with her name on it.  She didn’t understand.  And if Arizona was doing whatever decision she had made when she wrote this, she definitely wouldn’t understand.

At all.

She needed to find Arizona.  
___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

Alex was staring at his mentor, who was lying in a bed, sedated and mumbling, and it scared the shit out of him.  Another crazy woman in his life, but this was the one woman he thought was incredibly sane and grounded.  All that changed when she took his place on a plane ride.  That should be him, legless and crazy.

“They won’t stop.  They never stop.  Crawling, crawling, crawling, inside, outside, upside down,” Arizona’s words were breathless as she squirmed in the bed.  She was staring off into space, her hands gripping the bed sheets at her sides.  “I can see my bone, Calliope.  Where are you, Callie?”  She started to glance around, the sedation making her body feel foggy and sluggish.

“So, is she okay?” Alex was watching Arizona, but talking to the psych resident next to him.

“She probably will be,” was the response from Dr. Denise Paine.

“Probably?  I thought you were a resident?  Shouldn’t you know more than just probably?!” Alex had to force himself to not yet, but he was livid.

“Calm down, please,” said Denise softly.  “From everything you told me, she’s suffering from PTSD and this might be a mental break.  Things can trigger it, make it worse, and it sounds like that’s what happened.  You said she hasn’t really been taking good care of herself and she hasn’t been in a good frame of mind because of actions that took place last month, right?”

Alex nodded with a soft sigh.

“And then the power goes out again, large bang with it, and she hit the floor, right?”

She got another nod from Alex.

“It sounds like the combination of stress, not taking care of herself, and then a large crash and power outage triggered her into this state.  The sedation will help and hopefully when she calms down, she’ll come out of it,” Denise glanced between patient and student.  “You did the right thing, to call us.  And we paged Dr. Torres.  I know you said not too, but even though there’s some stress there, I believe she can most likely talk Dr. Robbins out of this state.”

Arizona was looking up at Alex, her eyes glazed over from the sedative.  She looked as though she was having trouble focusing on anything.  “Get them ouuuuut!”  She was pouting and still squirming slightly, but she wasn’t screaming anymore and because of the sedative, she was calm enough not to be tied down to the bed.

“Okay.  If she’s not here in two minutes, page her again.”  Alex stepped to the window in front of the room and crossed his arms; his eyes watched Arizona like a hawk.

A moment later, Callie came around the corner to the nurses’ station and gave the nurse there strange look, “Uh, hi, I was paged here?”  She wasn’t used to being paged to the psych floor at all.

“Torres,” Alex said and nodded to the room in front of him.

His voice was shaky and it made a shiver run down her back as she walked over.  She stood in front of the window and felt her lungs completely deflate with the scene in front of her.  She felt her eyes fill with tears and did nothing to stop them from falling down her face.  She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and gave Alex a questioning look.  She couldn’t form words at the moment, so she turned back to stare at her broken wife.

“We were in surgery and a generator blew.  It was loud, I’m sure you heard it.  Lights went out and she hit the deck and started screaming.”  Alex said, also staring at Arizona.

“She was screaming?”  Callie said, just trying to process and make sure she was hearing correctly, despite the fact her ears felt like they were filled with cotton right now; same with her mouth and head.

“She was screaming for us to take them out.  I…”  Alex cleared his throat and finally looked at Callie again, “I think she was talking about things in her leg.”

Callie gasped softly, and then released that air in a long sigh.  “What did the shrinks say?”

“I talked to the resident on her case, Dr. Paine.  She said that she thinks Arizona’s PTSD was triggered with the power outage.”

“Dr. Paine?  Really?”  Callie rolled her eyes before wiping tears away.

“It’s her name.  Imagine if she was a surgeon,” Alex managed a small grin.

They sat in silence for another moment.  “She doesn’t talk about it,” Callie said, pausing for another short moment.  “At all.  It’s almost like, if she doesn’t talk about it or think about it, then it didn’t happen…  Only she has a constant reminder than it did happen; a constant reminder that I gave to her.”  She shook her head while wiping her cheeks.

“We both did,” Alex said, never one to shy away from taking part of the blame.

“No, Karev, you were just the tool.  It was my call, but I made that stupid promise.  I should have been truthful to her.  She knew.  She knew from the start what was going to happen, but she needed to hear it from me and I couldn’t say it.”  Callie drew in another deep breath, “I couldn’t say it, let alone do it, but I made the right call.  I just should have been honest with her.”

“We can’t go back in time and change what happened.  And I think she’d still be freaking out either way,” he said with a shrug.

“The difference is that she wouldn’t hate me.”

They both watched in silence as Arizona finally closed her eyes, the sedative sending her into a deep sleep while they questioned everything that has happened since the plane crash.
___   ___   ___   ___   ___   ___

Fourteen hours later, Arizona was waking up, dazed and confused as to where she was and why she felt so tired and heavy.  She licked her lips, trying to moisten them and her mouth, which felt like cotton.  It took her a moment, but then she remembered.  She held up her hands and saw that her fingers were red and bruised from scratching at her prosthetic leg.

She was messed up.

More messed up than she wanted to admit or believe.  She tried to just move on, be what Callie needed her to be, but somewhere along the line she lost herself.  And now she was a shell of who was and some sort of disease was tearing her brain apart, making her do things she never would have even considered before.

She glanced around the room and noticed Callie was there, sleeping in a chair next to her bed.  After a month of not seeing or talking, here Callie was, once again, super wife.  Arizona felt a flare anger go off in her head.  How can she be so perfect when I’m falling apart?

“You should run,” Arizona whispered and then licked her lips again.  “Run so far away from me and never look back, Calliope.  I’m going to ruin you, like I ruin everything else in my life… much like I’ve already ruined myself.”  She turned her face away from Callie and closed her eyes, willing this nightmare to go away.

Little did she know Callie was awake and heard every word.

She waited a few minutes, then blinked her eyes and pretended to just be waking up.  She turned to Arizona and their eyes met for a moment, before Arizona turned away in shame.

“Hey, hey, is that anyway to treat your wife who just spent the night in an uncomfortable hospital chair?” Callie asked with a small laugh.

Arizona felt tears fill her eyes as she glanced, just for a moment back at Callie and then away from her again.

“I waited for over fourteen hours for you to wake up and now you’re going to give me the cold shoulder?” she tilted her head slightly with a small smile, trying to catch Arizona’s eyes again.

Arizona sighed deeply and glanced back to Callie, looking into her eyes, “Shouldn’t you be home, hating me?”

“There will be plenty of time for that later.  Do you still hate me right now?” she asked softly.

Arizona shook her head slightly, “No, right now I love you more than I ever have before… and I didn’t think that was possible.”

Callie smiled widely and raised her hand to gently caress Arizona’s cheek, but the blonde quickly moved away.  The action caused Callie to sigh.

“Callie, go home,” Arizona turned away again and swallowed the lump in her throat.  She gathered up all of her courage to say her next words.  “Run as far away from here as you can.  I don’t want to ever hurt you again.”

“You don’t get to make that decision alone, Arizona.  Haven’t you learned by now that there are two of us in this relationship?  You don’t get to unilaterally decide everything…” Callie’s eyes were stern as she looked into Arizona’s blue eyes, unwaveringly, “You don’t get to decide to kill yourself either.”

Callie shook her head slightly as she gripped Arizona’s hand firmly while a tear gathered in her eyes, “Y-you don’t get to bail on me any-anymore!  Ever!”  She licked her lips and sniffled back a sob, “I love you, damn it.  After all this time, and everything we’ve been through…  We made mistakes, we both did, but those mistakes don’t make us bad people, Arizona.  I’ve never thought of you in that sort of light…  I’ve only… only ever loved you and I know you l-love me.  I know it.”

Arizona’s eyes were wide.  “How d-did you know I ever thought t-that?”

“I read the letter in your office, Arizona.  It was addressed to me…” Callie wiped the tear which fell down her cheek with her free hand.

Arizona sighed, her entire body shuttering slightly with the deepness of the breath.  “I wrote that letter months ago, Calliope…  When I thought I honestly felt that way, but it was only for a moment.  Another moment of weakness for me, I guess, but I love you and Sofia way too much to ever do it.  That’s why I wrote the letter.  I t-thought if I wrote it down I could get those thoughts out of my head and my system, then they’d go away…  And for the most part they did.  I dug the letter out again when I…” she couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

“After the storm?” Callie asked.

Arizona nodded, “I was going to write another one and stick it in there, but I got called to surgery.”  She looked at Callie, who looked defeated.  “You have to understand, I was never going to actually do anything, I was just getting rid of those thoughts and those feelings and that was the only way I felt I could.”

“I understand, Arizona, but you need help,” Callie’s free hand gently wiped tears from Arizona’s face.  “I pushed you to get back to who you were before the plane crash.  And I pushed for it hard, because I missed you so much.  I missed that person and I was devastated watching you go through so much pain.  I thought it would help you too, but it was just me being selfish, wanting what I had… And it took time, but I realize that I made mistakes…” Callie shook her head when Arizona tried to cut her off, “We both did, but you never got to process.  You never got to process anything.  You were still coming to grips with things and I was pushing for sex and…”

Callie sighed deeply, swallowing the lump in her throat, holding the tears back so she could continue.  “And you… You’re so strong and with everything going on, you just jumped into trying to get better.  You pushed yourself to get back to who you were and I know you did that for me, so thank you.  But we both know that we skipped steps, like we tend to do,” Callie gave Arizona a lop-sided smile.

“But what happened after the storm and during the power outage, it’s just proof that you have a problem, Arizona.  You have PTSD and it’s affecting you more than you think.  Alex and the shrink think so too.  That’s why you’re here.”  Callie tilted her head slightly and waited until Arizona nodded slightly.

“And I’m not going anywhere, Arizona.  Despite everything, I love you.  I love you so, so deeply…” Callie watched as Arizona started to cry again.  “I know we both hurt each other.  We both broke promises.  But when I cut your leg off, I had no choice.  You were broken and I should have been stronger for you and told you the truth about your leg the moment I saw that x-ray.  I shouldn’t have been your doctor, we both know that.  And I have to live with that decision for the rest of my life as much as you do.”

Arizona nodded slightly, tears not stopping.

“Because of it you’re alive, so I’m not going to apologize for saving you, for loving you, for wanting you to be here for many, many more years, Arizona.  And I know for a fact you’ll come to terms with that in your own time, so if you need to be mad at me, do it.  I can take it and you know it.”  She grinned slightly when Arizona nodded with her words.

“And I’m hurt and I still feel betrayed, but I’ve come to realize that you’re sick.  And we both know the symptoms of PTSD.  And I think we both know there’s more behind what happened, so you’re going to get help and I’m going to get help.  And we’ll help each other too.”  Callie nodded and leaned in to kiss Arizona’s cheek, “I know you have trouble admitting you need help, but we know it.  You’re stuck here for a couple days, but after that, you’re moving back into the apartment.”

Arizona opened her mouth to complain, but Callie raised her hand.  “Arizona, you’ve been living in your office.  I have no idea what you’ve been eating, but it’s obvious you haven’t been taking care of yourself.  You’ve been punishing yourself and I think I let you, but that has to end.  We love each other and we’ll get through this, okay?  Together.”

Arizona stared at Callie, tears still streaming down her face.  She nodded slightly while sobbing.  Callie moved closer to the bed and wrapped her arms around her wife.  She felt Arizona’s nose against her neck and felt the wetness of tears on her skin.  She’d never seen her wife so broken, not even after the plane crash.  Arizona’s realization that she truly needed help and could not just ignore this away seemed to completely gut her.

“I’m sorry, C-Calliope, so d-deeply sorry I hurt you…” the words were whispered and soft and rushed into Callie’s ear.  Arizona held her tighter, not letting Callie move away to look into her eyes.  It was a desperate hold and it honestly scared her.  “I’m so t-torn and I have all these c-conflicted f-feelings inside and they j-just … They randomly explode inside me and I c-can’t control them anymore.”

Callie felt Arizona’s hands clench into fists which were gripping her scrub top like a lifeline.  “I d-don’t want to hurt you, I love you.  I love you and S-Sofia so much, but all I do is hurt and cause you p-pain…  I don’t know why, Calliope.  I’m so messed up and I didn’t want to hurt you or make you run from me, but in the end, I did the one thing that should have sent you running…”

Arizona’s face nuzzled further into Callie’s neck, the intense outpouring of emotion put tears in her eyes.  As angry and upset as she was about the infidelity, seeing Arizona this broken up about it really put things into perspective for Callie.  She had a sudden feeling of pride spread throughout her body at the realization that she had grown.  She was an adult in a relationship which she didn’t want to just walk away from.  Yes, they both made mistakes, but they loved one another so much it was palpable and there was no way she was going to walk away from Arizona while she was sick and broken.  She wasn’t going to risk the rest of their lives for a mistake made during an illness.

“Shhh…” Callie said softly while rubbing Arizona’s back.  “Arizona, you’re sick.  You made a mistake.  You don’t even understand why, that’s how we know you need help.  So, we get you help, okay?  And we sort through everything and we’ll come out on the other side stronger.  I love you.  I’m not throwing away our years together because you’re sick and confused, okay?  I love you so much; I’m not going to let that ruin what we have.  You need to stop punishing yourself and work to get better.  And Sofia and I will be with you every step of the way; you just need to let us in.”

“C-Calliope, I promise, I promise… p-please, don’t leave me.  I’m s-sorry for everything…”  Arizona was clinging to Callie for dear life.

“I’m not going anywhere.  I promise,” she rubbed Arizona’s back and prayed to a God that she hoped would still listen to help her wife get better.

Title: Shiver Me Timbers
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG
Summary:  Canon –10 years into the future.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.

A/N:  Happy holidays, everyone!  This is a present for pens_co927, my secret santa victim! ;)

I hope you like it, even though it’s unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine, feel free to laugh at my misfortune.  Thank you to brittlovesher for helping me out by writing a small chunk I was stuck on.  I’m going to have another author’s note at the bottom along with the prompt, since it gives away a little surprise in the story.


“Gee Mrs. Robbins, we thought Sofia was joking when she said her mom was a real pirate!” Seth’s eyes were wide with wonder as he took in Arizona’s costume

Sofia was so excited that her parents were allowing her to have a Halloween party that she took it a step further and made it a pirate theme party, in honor of her mother, the real pirate.

Arizona cackled as she tapped her peg leg against the hardwood floor of their living room.  “Aye, wee matey.  I come from a long line o’ fierce pirates, like t’ Dread Pirate Roberts and t’ Mighty Blackbeard.  And me little Sofia has learned t' plunder and pillage from t' best, so ye best be mindin’ manners in this here ship.”

“Aye matey!  Aye matey!” The green and red parrot on Arizona’s shoulder squawked loudly, sending fifteen eleven year olds into a fit of giggles.

Callie’s eyes rolled as she leaned into her wife in order to whisper into her ear, “Did you really have to borrow our neighbors parrot for this?”

Arizona just grinned widely, her eyes twinkling with mischief, “Ye expect anythin’ less?”  And then she promptly swatted her wife on the ass.  “Wench!  Get back t’ ye work, this pirate needs moooore ale!”

“Need ale!  Need ale!” The parrot mimics loudly as Callie rolls her eyes again, turning to the kitchen while mumbling about freaky neighbors with pirate obsessions and parrots.

The party went on and children of all ages (even the ones over the age of forty) were having a great time.  Callie was worried Arizona wasn’t going to be much fun at this party due to the bad news she had gotten earlier in the day.  Owen had decided to retire as chief and the race was on for a new one, a job which Arizona greatly wanted and believed she deserved.  However, luck being a fickle chance, she found out that the board has decided to go with another person.  Callie felt terrible and disagreed with the board decision, but was proud to see Arizona didn’t seem very bothered.  She was sure they would discuss it later.

Callie was brought out of her musings when her twins crashed into her, asking if they could have a second piece of cake.  Timothy Mark and Riley Madison were six year old terrors that looked like Arizona and had enough energy to power the world for an eternity.  They were ghosted by a quiet Carter Jordan, also known as CJ, their youngest daughter and the last of their children according to Arizona, despite promising Callie ten.  The thought made Callie grin and she ruffled Tim’s hair and shook her head.  “No more cake for you guys.”

“Aww, come on Mom!” Tim begged and batted his blue eyes at her.

“Mommy said we could have more,” Riley said, her dimples popping out with a wide smile.

“Mo’ cake, Mama,” CJ said with a shy smile hiding behind her ever present pink teddy bear.

Callie stared for a moment, both twins doing their best to change her mind and CJ trying to keep up with them.  She laughed and shook her head, “Okay, okay, you can put the weapons away!  You can each have another small piece, but then no more candy or soda, okay?”

“Yay!” Both twins ran around Callie before disappearing into the living room for more cake, CJ following along on her wobbly four year old legs.  Callie couldn’t help but chuckle at their enthusiasm.

The night finally started to calm down and children had left to their homes while exclaiming how this was the best party ever.  Arizona returned the parrot to their neighbors and was currently working on cleaning up the mess it made as Callie put the kids to bed.

An hour and a half later the cleaning was done, showers were taken and both women were sitting in bed with infectious smiles.

“I think Sofia really had a great time.  She spent the entire time making sure I was near her friends and watching her play,” Arizona said as she propped herself on her elbow to she could turn and talk to Callie.

Callie laughed and nodded, “Oh definitely.  But you missed it when the twins came to me and begged for extra cake with CJ following them.  I couldn’t say no.  And then I had to spend fifteen minutes cleaning chocolate frosting off CJ.”

They both broke into a chorus of giggles.  Callie stared at Arizona for several moments as she giggled, but then she watched her wife as she tilted her head and raised a brow.  “What?” She asked while pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, worried about the sudden mood change.

“Nothing, just…  You’re beautiful.  And, though we’ve had some really tough crap flung at us early in our relationship, we made it.  Ten amazing years with you and it just amazes me that I feel more connected to you than ever.”  The wide smile never left her face as Arizona just leaned in to kiss her soundly.  After a few moments, Arizona leaned back and smiled as Callie gently caressed her cheek, “And I was also wondering when you were going to bring up the Chief stuff so we can talk about it.”

Arizona sighed deeply and leaned back into her pillows.  “What’s there to talk about, Calliope?”  She ran a hand through her blonde hair and then back over her face while she sighed again.  “I went for it and they chose someone else.  There were a lot of candidates trying for the position and I tried and lot, so I can’t really be that upset about it.  What kind of role model would I be for our babies if got angry and upset over every opportunity I’ve lost?”

Arizona giggled softly and leaned back into Callie, arms wrapping around her wife while she placed a kiss upon her shoulder.  “Besides, it would be weird to be your boss.  I don’t know how Cristina and Owen ever did that.”

Callie’s chest heaved with a laugh as she slid one hand up and down Arizona’s back.  “Oh, I could think of some interesting games we could play.”  Arizona glanced up at her wife and Callie wiggled her eyebrows, which just sent them both giggling again.

“But seriously, Calliope, I’m okay with it.  I have an awesome job, an awesome wife, four awesome kids and none of that is changing just because I didn’t get an even more stressful job than the one that already takes up a huge chunk of my time.”  Arizona reached up and gave Callie a kiss before settling back down with a yawn.   “Honestly, I think this may have been a blessing in disguise.  Now I’ll have more time to spend at home with my family and less paperwork, so more surgeries to save tiny humans.”

“Yeah, we do have a pretty awesome life,” Callie responded as she turned off the light.  “And you do have a point because I happen to like having you around, so do the kids.”  They settled down to sleep, but Callie knew that despite the reassurances, Arizona was a little disappointed at not getting the position.


Even though Arizona is the Head of Pediatrics and wields more power than half the people in the room, she still finds herself more anxious and nervous than anyone as she sits in the very large conference room, surrounded by her fellow colleagues.  The feeling that radiates in the pit of her stomach is something akin to the feeling that she had when she was set to the principal’s office for kicking a boy in the balls in the third grade for making fun of her name.  Her heart is racing, a hard thudding in her chest, and her palms are sweaty, so much so that she can barely grip at the chair arms to which she is holding so tightly that her knuckles are growing white.

A wave of nausea rushes over her as she brushes her golden blonde curls away from her face.  Although she keeps telling Calliope, and hell, even herself,  that she is not upset about the fact that she was passed up for the position, she can't help the lump of bitterness that sticks within her throat.  She is more than qualified for this position, more than capable of being in control of the entire hospital and making the type of decisions necessary, at least better than most of the people in this room.  After all, for weeks she was stranded in the forest and forced to survive on her own.  If that didn't teach her a thing or two about leadership, mixed with her father's military skills, she didn't know what else could.

Still, even with the bitterness that is pulsing through her veins, she is nothing but curious and disappointed.  She was curious as to who exactly beat her for the position, who the board would think could run this hospital better than she could, and disappointed to know they felt she wasn’t the best for the job.  She wants to see the person, the face that took away her dream position, the job that would have made her even more capable of supporting her family.

“Who do you think they picked?” Alex asks, swaying his chair back and forth as he clicks anxiously on the pen that he holds tightly in his left hand.  Rolling her eyes, Arizona looks at her resident through slanted eyes before she shakes her head, looking back at the door.

“Oh, you know, probably some rich, pompous ass that doesn't know anything about leadership if it smacked them upside the face,” Arizona snaps, squeezing tightly to the chair arm beneath her.  So tight, in fact, she almost swears that she is clawing her nails into the plastic.

“Ouch. Bitter much?”

“Mind your own beeswax, Karev,” Arizona huffs.  The radiating glare she is sending the scruffy man’s way is almost just enough to melt him on the spot.  He opens his mouth to say something else, but when she arches that eyebrow, he knows that he better shut his mouth before her foot is coming out of it.

Groaning in frustration, Arizona sends her fingers through her golden curls once more before the door opens.  Instantly, the room falls silent as Owen Hunt takes his place in front of the room, straightening his lab coat with a tug around his broad body.  As his emerald eyes find Arizona's, she can feel her heart leap into her throat.  This is absolute torture.  This is like watching the kid that you hated in school win everything that you ever wanted, this is like being the last puppy left in the cardboard box as the rain starts to set in.  This is hell.

“I want to thank everyone for coming today.  I know that we all have busy schedules, so I will try to make this as short and as painless as possible,” Owen begins with a playful smile, trying to ease the atmosphere in the room, but like all the other times, no one laughs.  Arizona swallows, shifting in her seat as she tries to force a smile but her lips just won't turn.

“As everyone knows, I'm stepping down as Chief of Surgery at the end of the month.  It's certainly been... a challenge; one that I was more than willing to accept.  And we've been through both good and bad times together.  Unfortunately, not all of us could make it to this point here today and I will always feel responsible for that,” Owen pauses, clearing his throat and Arizona's heart sinks slightly at the remembrance of Mark and Lexie.  She can still hear those animals as they come for Lexie, she can still recall the look on Calliope's face when she told her that Mark passed away.  Even though it's been years since the accident, it is all still just as predominant in their lives as it was the day that it happened.

“The Board took it upon themselves to find someone who is just as qualified as I to take control of this hospital. And while I know that one should not be this excited to see someone take over their job, I know that she is more than ready to take control of this,” Owen states, his eyes wandering to Arizona's.  However, the look upon his face does not read of excitement or joy, it is one that reads of anxiety, worriment, and fear.  Shifting her weight, Arizona arches forward and her eyes focus upon the ginger very strongly.

“I've been in contact with this woman for many years and we've done a lot of work together so I can say with the utmost assurance that she is more than capable of taking on this job.  She will lead this hospital to a much better state than I ever could have and she will make sure that each and every one of you are happy with your job and you are getting the credit that you deserve.  She has the merits for becoming the Chief of Surgery and it is with pride that I recommended her for the position and am now asked to introduce her to you, although some of you might already know her,” Owen smiles awkwardly, his eyes fixated upon Arizona's.  Instantly, her heart begins to race quicker in her chest and a new wave of nausea rushes over her.  This is someone she knew, someone that she has seen, someone that she has communicated with that took this job from her.  This could be a friend.

“Everyone, please join me in greeting your new Chief of Surgery, Teddy Altman,” The Chief introduces as the door opens and a tall, lanky, dirty blonde steps inside.  Suddenly, Arizona feels her world just simply stop.  Suddenly, the breath gets lost somewhere between her lungs and her chest, her heart forgets to beat, her mind forgets to work, and her body forgets how to exist.  She doesn’t hair the polite applause as the woman shakes Owen’s hand with a smile.  Abruptly, standing before her, is the best friend that disappeared without so much as a goodbye as her plane fell out of the sky, standing before her is the woman who has all but forgotten her existence and their friendship.  Standing before her, is a woman that she once loved so dearly who has taken the one thing that she wants most in the world at this very moment.

Arizona’s hands curl into fists and her eyes narrow at the scene in front of her.  And then she stands up sharply, the chair she was sitting on rolling and slamming into the wall behind her as she turns and exits the room from the door in the back, it slamming shut behind her once she’s outside.

“Well, that went great,” Owen says while scratching the back of his head.

Teddy offered a slight smile to Owen and then looked around the room to many familiar faces, “I’m here to work with all of you and make this hospital even more amazing than it already is.  We’ll all be working closely together, so don’t hesitate to come to me with comments or questions regarding your departments.  And thank you for the warm welcome.”

They stood together as people started leaving the room, a few coming to the front and introducing themselves and others telling Owen that he did a good job and they were glad he would be remaining as an attending.  Once the room cleared out, Teddy flopped into a chair with a sigh and stared up at Owen.

“It’s my fault,” she said while running her fingers through her hair.  “I heard about the accident, watched the coverage closely, I even knew of her injuries, but I didn’t think it would be right of me to try and be a friend from distance…  And from what you told me about the things they went through, I didn’t want to make things worse for her.”

“Make things worse for me by letting me know where you were?  Because it’s not like anyone else was talking about it.”  Arizona said from the door.  Her eyes were rimmed red showing that tears had fallen moments ago.

“It’s not like anyone was talking to you at all.  You were a little preoccupied with missing a leg,” Owen said matter-of-factly as he stepped out of the room and shut the door behind himself, leaving the two old friends in the room together.

Arizona rolled her eyes as he left, but sighed in defeat when his words truly registered in her mind.  “He’s right, but maybe things wouldn’t have gotten that bad if my best friend made herself available to me.”  She crossed her arms over her chest, her cane forgotten by her side.  It took years, but her balance was second nature to her at this point.

“You’re right,” Teddy said as she stood up and turned to Arizona with tears in her eyes.  “I should have been there for you, but I was just fired, starting a new job, and miles away.  I was trying to move on from this place…  And I know that probably isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.  And it took me months become comfortable with how things ended, but I’ve always regretted not keeping in contact with you.  It’s the only thing I would change if I could.”

The two stared at each other in a companionable silence for a few moments before Teddy moved toward Arizona.  She slid her arm around Arizona’s and then tugged her slightly so that they both headed out of the room once Arizona caught her balance and cane.  “Well, you’re going to be friends with me,” Teddy said with a small grin while leading Arizona down the hall toward the elevators.

Arizona raised a brow, déjà vu happening in her mind before she laughed softly, “I am?”

“Uh huh, I’m an awesome friend,” Teddy replied matter-of-factly.

“Is this where you invite me to girl’s night?” Arizona asks with a laugh.

“Are you kidding?  I just moved back here and I barely know anyone and my best friend is completely mad at me, with good reason, so I need to get back into her good graces.  That’s why I should take her Joe’s tonight?”  Teddy asked as they reached the elevator and waited so they could go up to Peds.

Arizona shook her head and laughed, “It’s been a while since I went to Joe’s, I don’t really have the time anymore.  Why don’t you come over to my place tonight?  We can have a nice dinner and catch up and the bonus is you can meet the kids.”

“Kids?  As in more than one?”  Teddy asks as they step on the elevator and choose the floor they’re moving too.

“Mmhmm.”  Arizona answers with a smile.  “Four, to be exact.  And at least now I have some backup for when Callie starts craving to adopt number five.  It took me three months to get out of that last year.&rdquo

“Holy crap, Robbins with four kids… it feels like yesterday you were complaining about having one.”  The two laughed for a moment at that thought.

Arizona reached out and grasped Teddy’s hand tightly.  “I’ve missed you and I’m glad you’re back,” her lips curled into a grin as she pulled Teddy into a hug, “Even if you did pillage my job like a dirty pirate.&rdquo

The elevator doors opened as the two were hugging and Callie stood watching the embrace, thinking her wife was about to go in for the kill, she dropped the coffee she was holding for Arizona and stomped the ground once, “Arizona!  We do not kill out ex-best friends!  You have four kids that need you at home; we cannot have you going to jail!  I’m not going to be one of those jail house wives sneaking contraband into the big house through clothes with pockets in weird places and cakes!”  She quickly stepped forward and pulled Arizona away from Teddy.

The two women looked at each other, then Callie, who seemed a tad bit high-strung even after her rant and the two broke into laughter.  It took Callie a few moments to realize just how absurd her speech was and she started laughing too.  Arizona reached out and grabbed her wife’s hand.  “It’s okay, Calliope.  We talked and were friends.  In fact, she’s coming over tonight and you’re going to cook an awesome meal for us while we catch up and play with the kids.”

“I am, am I?”  Callie just shook her head slightly as they all walked off the elevator, Arizona and Callie still hand in hand.

“Yup.  That’s what my wench does.”  Arizona grinned while pinching Callie’s rear end.

“Hey!  That’s it, no more pirate themed anything ever again,” Callie said with a laugh, Teddy and Arizona following suit.  “And this is just great, another aunt for CJ to wrap around their finger.  Our kids are way too spoiled.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Teddy said with a smile.  She really did miss Arizona while she was away.  And at this moment, she knew that returning to SGMW was the best decision she had made in a long time.

A/N #2:  I hope you enjoyed the story!  Pens_co927 prompted me with:  Ten years post-plane crash.  SGMW gets a new Chief of Surgery in the form of Teddy Altman.  How does Arizona, who was up for the position, react to losing to her former friend.  I hope I nailed it.  :x  Have a happy and safe holiday!

Title: The Purrfect Present
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG
Summary:  Canon – Callie talks Arizona into getting a pet for Sofia.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.

A/N:  Happy holidays, everyone!  This is a present for jaxjill, my secret santa victim! ;)

The prompt was: AU or Canon.  I prefer that they be an established couple, but will accept a meeting.  Please, no high school fics or dead main characters

I hope you like it, especially since I had some trouble with coming up with a story!  Thank you to brittlovesher for helping me out and betaing!

“Are you sure about this, Calliope?  Isn’t she a little young for a pet?” Arizona asks as she’s folding the last of their laundry.

Callie glanced over her shoulder from the kitchen where she was washing the dishes from their dinner.  Sofia had been put to bed about an hour ago and the two women were discussing the possibilities of getting Sofia a pet.  The little girl has been talking their ears off about one friend from school who brought a dog in for show-and-tell, and another who had three mice

“She’s old enough not to stick it in her mouth and not to smother it,” Callie responded matter-of-factly as she turned back to the dishes.

“Really, Calliope?” Arizona said through a short laugh, which just caused Callie to laugh as well.

“I don’t think it’s such a bad idea.  And I wouldn’t mind having a pet for us.  Lots of pets are in shelters, just waiting for a family to come claim them, why shouldn’t we save an animal from being put to death?”  Callie watched Arizona as she spoke, and the moment she saw the horrified look on Arizona’s face, she knew she was winning this argument.

“Okay.  But no dogs, because they are really needy and with our jobs, I’m not sure how happy it would be.” Arizona said, returning to her laundry folding.

“I know which is why I really think we should get a couple of kittens.”

“A couple?” Arizona’s eyebrows were raised in that way that Callie found adorable.

“Yes, a couple.  This way when we’re at work and Sofia is in the daycare, they’ll have each other.  They’re fairly easy to take care of, I mean, they’re smart and independent and fairly clean.”  Callie spoke as she walked into the living room and sat on the couch to help Arizona finish folding the laundry.

“Well, guess who’s going to be taking care of their business...” Arizona said while pointing at Callie and they both shared a laugh.

“That’s fine, babe.  I can handle that, especially if it makes our little girl happy. You know that saying yes, and letting her pick out a couple of kittens from a shelter, will be the highlight of her life… at least for a couple of months.”  They both laughed and Arizona shook her head slightly.  She looked at Callie who had a twinkle in her eye.  It looked like Callie was enjoying this as much as their little girl would.


The next day the family loaded into Arizona’s jeep and headed to the nearest shelter.

“Okay, now remember what we talked about, Sofia, no putting your fingers through the cages.  You let me and Mama talk with the workers when you find a kitty you like, okay?”  Callie said as she let Sofia lead her into the shelter.  She glanced back and saw Arizona reluctantly following along.

“C’mon, Mami, me wants to see kitties!” Sofia said while giggling.  She was tugging on Callie’s hand and leading into the shelter.

“Hi there, we’re here to find a couple of kittens,” Callie said to a tall man who was manning the counter.

“That’s great!  Follow me this way.”  He lead them into a room full of kennels.  Callie picked up Sofia and they walked along looking into all the cages.

Arizona hung back next to the shelter worker, Darren.  “Do you know much about the animals here?”

“Some of them we do, but others are just abandoned, so there really isn’t much information on those.  But all of these little guys have had their shots and are fixed already, so they’re ready to find a good home.”  Darren had a huge smile on his face.

Arizona nodded and pointed down the hall, “My wife and daughter want to get a couple of kittens. Were there any donated together from the same litter?”

“Funny you should ask that.  Two days ago a woman brought in two beautiful ragdolls.  They’re pure bred, apparently, her mother was a breeder, but she had an accident and couldn’t take care of them anymore.  They’re really beautiful,”  Darren nodded down the hall and started walking, Arizona following along.  They passed Callie and Sofia who were “ooing” and “aaahing” at all the kittens

Darren pointed into a cage were two beautiful white fluffy cats were curled up together sleeping.  “Ragdolls are great cats for kids.  They’re very docile and have a great calm temperament, but the best part is they are really affectionate.  These two little guys are still all white, all ragdolls are born white, but the breeder said they’ll be seal point, so you’ll see dark color come on their faces, paws, and tail.”

Arizona giggled softly and looked into the cage.  The kittens were really beautiful

“Why are they called ragdolls?” she asked.

“Oh!”  Darren laughed softly, “It comes from the fact that they tend to go limp and completely relaxed when picked up.”

“Sounds adorable.”

“They really are.” Darren said with a smile.

“Sofia, come see these little guys!”  Arizona said.

Callie put her down when she started wiggling.  She ran over to Arizona and gasped as she looked into the cage.  “Mama!  Dis kitties are cute!  Me want!”

Arizona laughed and glanced at Callie, who had a huge smile on her face.  “Can we take them out and see how they interact with us before we decide?”

Darren nodded and led them to a small room next to the kennel hall.  “I’ll bring them right in for you.”

Sofia sat down in between Callie and Arizona.  She was excited, but curbing it because she really wanted to be able to get the kitties.  “Fank you again, Mama.”

Arizona smiled widely and leaned over to kiss Sofia’s forehead.

“How come I don’t get a ‘Thank you’?” Callie asked.

“Because you wants them as much as me!” Sofia said as though the answer was obvious.  It caused the entire family to laugh.

Darren came in holding the kittens and put them on the ground after closing the door behind himself.  “Okay, let them smell you before you touch them, but really, these little guys are well behaved.  This little one, with the pure pink nose, is a girl and her brother has these little spots on his nose.”

Sofia held her hand out to the first kitten whose nose was purely bright pink.  She sniffed at her and then meowed softly.  “You is cute!”

Callie held her hand out to the kitten with the spotted nose.  He sniffed at it for a moment, then brushed his entire body against her hand.  “Awww…”

“Look, Mami!  Kitty plays dead!” Sofia was giggling as she was holding the kitten in her arms and it was splayed out against her.

“Oh my god! Sofia, what did you do!?”  Callie’s eyes were wide and she was about to have a full on freak out for a moment before she realized Arizona and Darren were laughing.  “What’s so funny?”

“Calliope, it’s fine, these cats are a breed called ragdoll and that’s what they do.”  Callie stared at Arizona, then Darren as he nodded at her.

“Mama, Mami, I want these kitties.  Pweeeease?”  She pulled out the pout.

Both parents laughed and then nodded to Darren.  “Seems like we have a couple of winners, Darren,” Arizona said as she slipped an arm around Callie.

Darren smiled, obviously pleased with himself.  “Okay, let me go get the paper work started.  You guys think of a couple of names so we can take some pictures and add them to our wall of happy adoptees.”  He left the room.

“Okay, Sof.  They’re your kittens, so what are you going to name them?” Callie asked, so happy that this all went well.

“Dats easy, Mami,” Sofia said while she sat on the floor, petting both kitties who seem to be rubbing her and very happy to be the newest additions to the family.  “Luke and Leia!”

Arizona and Callie stared at one another for a good minute before Arizona shook her head.  “That’s the last time we let Bailey babysit her for an entire weekend.”

Title: As Time Goes By 24
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary:  Callie and Arizona A/U story.  Four kids, two department heads and Arizona’s past coming back to haunt her.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.

A/N:  Hi everyone.  I’m really sorry that it’s taken this long to get this written and out.  Writer’s block has been my nemesis lately and JJ was out of town for the summer.  When she got back, we got back to writing and finally got this beta’d (Thanks again, busy Bee!) and finally released.  This is the end of the first part of this story!  The next part will deal more with the kids and them growing up.  There will be a large time jump for part 2, so hopefully those of you enjoying the story will stick around.  And hopefully, there won’t be so much time between chapters.  I know it’s annoying.

As Callie entered the waiting room, to say that the sight before her eyes was a shock would have been a huge understatement.  Callie had expected to find her four children and their nanny sitting and waiting for her and even though they were there, they were not alone.  Sitting in the middle of the waiting room was Monica and her wife.  Alice and the other nanny stood close to one another talking, while Sofia and Sienna were playing with little Kristen’s hair, Skye and Paul were playing some kind of card game, and Spencer and Caleb seemed to be talking about some television show that Callie had never heard of.  None of them seemed to notice that she’d even entered the room.

“Um… what’s going on?” Callie asked in confusion and at the sound of her voice, Sienna ran and leaped up in the air, forcing Callie to catch her.

“Mama!  How’s mommy?  Sofia, Kristy and me were playing hair salon because we wanted to make each other look super pretty and Kristy has awesome long hair, it goes on forever.  Can I grow my hair like that?  And can I get a pink dress like hers cause it’s so pretty and It has sparkly sleeves and…”

“Breathe, baby girl.”  Callie couldn’t help but laugh at her daughter’s ramblings, which reminded her so much of her wife.  Sienna had always been the most talkative of the triplets; she could talk anyone into anything if you gave her enough time.  “Mama is going to be just fine; she’s with Aunt Teddy and Aunt Bailey now and they are making her all better.”

“But I thought she was already better?” Spencer asked with a tone in his voice that Callie had never heard before: confusion.

“She is, she just needs one last check up.” Spencer and the kids seemed to accept this answer and went back to what they were doing.  Callie was about to go and talk to Monica when familiar voices floated down the corridor stopping her in her tracks.

“Addison, I am telling you he is a wonderful guy.  This time will be awesome,” Nix sounded like a salesman as he and Addie got closer.

“That’s what you said about Jerry, you know, the guy who still lives with his mother.  You also said that about Patrick, the guy who sells juice out of the trunk of his car.  Oh and let’s not forget about your other ‘wonderful guy’, Thomas, the guy who spent the whole date crying about his break-up with someone named Charlie.” 

“In my defence you have to admit Thomas is very good looking and one bad woman shouldn’t stop you from going back there,” Nix said matter-of-factly.

“Oh please, he was gayer than you and Arizona at a cheerleading competition.”  Nix stood shocked at his friend’s words before nodding his head.

“Okay, I’ll admit that my gaydar isn’t what it used to be, but Addie, I swear to you, this time I found you the best guy ever.  His name is Nathan; he’s very tall and very handsome.  He owns his own business and this one has real offices and staff, not just a juicer and a Toyota.”  Nix pulled out his phone, “Look at him, he’s gorgeous.” Addie’s faced cracked into a small smile as she looked at the picture.

“Fine, set it up, but this is the last time I ever let you set me up.  And seriously, if the guy is a creep then I’m going to tell Teddy what you said about her cooking.” Addison was laughing at her threat, but Nix was not.  He had finally noticed who was in the room he and Addison just walked into and was looking between her and Callie frantically.

“You...”  It came out as a whisper of shock.  Nix stood stiffly, his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he looked between Callie and Monica.  Addison raised a brow at the daggers Nix was shooting at Monica.  She placed her hand on Nix’s shoulder and felt the rage seep out of him as he forced himself to calm down.  He immediately looked back at Callie, who rolled her eyes at his antics.

Callie smiled at the kids and then walked over to Nix.  She leaned in close and whispered in his ear, “Monica is here as my guest, so if you can’t keep it together and be civil, then just turn around and go.  She’s already been humiliated by Arizona, she doesn’t need it from you too.”  She leaned back and narrowed her eyes at him, ensuring that they understood one another.  He nodded slightly and swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I was just coming to see Arizona and Addison decided to come with me,” Nix said softly as he nodded toward Addison who was just baffled at what happened.

“Arizona had to be taken back to surgery,” Callie said softly while glancing at the kids and shaking her head slightly.

“What?” Nix said and he managed to keep his voice low.

“Why?” Addison asked at the same time; tone also low to avoid little ears.

Callie sighed deeply and slipped out of the room, pulling Nix and Addie along with her.  “Teddy and I thought Arizona was having panic attacks, but there was something serious going on.  Monica showing up pretty much saved her life because she got Arizona worked up enough to show symptoms and be correctly diagnosed.”  Callie’s hand ran over her face a she sucked back tears.  “Look, I owe this woman now.  I know about Arizona’s past with her and Arizona flat out refused to forgive her, but I listened to her story and I think she is really genuine and I feel for her.”

Callie looked over her shoulder, glancing in the room at Monica who was holding her wife’s hand and crying quietly while watching their children play.  “I’m not saying we’re going to have coffee twice a week and play dates with our kids, but she was a victim here too.  And through everything that happened between her and Arizona, she managed to find herself.  She’s married to a woman, she has kids, and she has nothing to do with the part of her family that has attacked Arizona.  I think she’s almost as shaken up as I am over everything.”

The clearing of a throat behind them caused them to turn.  Monica stood there shyly and nervously stepped forward once they acknowledged her.  “Phoenix…” she said quietly, “I owe you an apology as well.”

Nix stared at her and he could tell immediately that she was nervous, genuine, and most of all, a little scared.  His gaze was locked into her eyes and she shyly tried to maintain eye contact with him, but failed.  Her eyes dropped down, then back up to his face, and down again. 

Addison glanced to all the faces around her and felt distinctly uncomfortable.  Her eyes finally fell on Callie, who appeared fairly lost.  She grabbed Callie’s hand and then smiled at Monica, “Well, uhm, I suppose you both have something to talk about, so Callie and I are going to drop in and check on the kiddies.”

Callie had felt Addie’s hand grab her own and heard her voice but she was too caught up in her own little world to make any kind of sense of what she had said. It wasn’t until she heard Addie saying her name and something about the kids that she snapped out of it.


“I was just saying, Callie, that I think you and I should go in there with the kids while Nix and Monica talk.” Addison had never felt so awkward and uneasy in all her life. Nix was scowling at Monica, Monica kept looking nervously between Nix and Callie and Callie looked like she was on the verge of both a physical and emotional meltdown.

“Oh, right ok.” Callie turned her head to look at Nix, opening her mouth to speak to him but he just held up a hand like he knew what she was going to say.

“I’ll be fine. Go.” Callie nodded and let herself be dragged away by Addie.  The kids were all sat with Alice and Hannah playing some kind of game when Addie sat Callie down.

“I’m gonna go down the hall and get us some coffee ok?” Callie just nodded her head and gave Addie a weak smile.  Addie returned it before slowly walking out of the room, casting a worried glance back to her friend as she did so.

Callie rubbed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. Despite her hectic home and work schedule she couldn’t remember feeling this drained in a long time.

“Hi Mama.” Callie smiled as she saw Skye coming towards her. The little girl put her hands on her mother’s legs as Callie bent her body to pick her up. 

“Hey baby girl, you ok.” Skye shook her head and laid it on Callie’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I wanna see mommy.” Callie’s heart broke at the sad tone in her daughter’s voice. The pout on her face identical to the elder woman she resembled so much. She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around her daughter, placing a long loving kiss on the top of her soft blonde head.

“I know sweetie, I know.” Callie stroked the hair out of her daughter’s eyes. “We’re all gonna see her real soon. “ Skye lifted up her head and stared right into Callie’s eyes.

“You promise?” Callie felt a huge lump form in her throat as she looked into the sparkling bright blue eyes that were identical to the woman she loved so much, and prayed to god not to let the tears that were threatening to fill her eyes come forward.

“I promise.”

“Pinkie promise 123?” That was all it took for her prayer to go unanswered as hot tears began to fill her eyes. Pinkie promise 123 was something Arizona had taught the kids, something her grandmother and her mother used to do with her and her brother. Callie blinked back the tears and smiled, nodding her head she held out her pinkie.

“Pinkie promise 123.” A small smile broke out across Skye’s face as she linked her tiny little finger with Callie’s. Callie brought their joined hands between their faces and leaned down to her daughter.

“Pinkie promise, pinkie promise, 1, 2, 3.” They both said the words together before Callie kissed Skye’s hand twice and once on her forehead before Skye did the same to her Mama. Skye let go of her hand before throwing her arms around Callie’s waist.

“I love you mama.” Callie’s throat went dry and she swallowed painfully so she could find the words.

“I love you too mija. So, so much. Now why don’t you go play with your brother and your sisters?” Skye nodded her head and jumped down off of Callie’s lap. As Callie watched her second oldest daughter walk over to her other children and the children of the woman who had once destroyed her wife’s world, she was suddenly overwhelmed with the situation her family was currently in.

She looked at her children and thought about was how she was the luckiest woman in the world. All her life she had dreamed of two things, breaking bones and being a mother. Sure when she was a young woman she had never imagined that her dream would come true with a woman instead of the husband she had always assumed she would have, but her life had turned out more amazing than she ever could have imagined. She had the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the entire world that made her feel like she was the only person in the world that mattered, and four amazingly adorable children. Sofia, her little mini-me, Skye and Sienna were literally tiny clones of her wife with a little mix of herself. Then of course there was her little guy, Spencer was the smartest, wittiest and downright cheekiest little smart mouthed kid she’d ever know but as far was she was concerned he had a heart of gold. Yeah, her family was perfect.

But then her mind began to go to dangerous territory. Callie looked at Monica and Mary’s children and couldn’t help the anger that swelled up inside of her. Not because of the children, it wasn’t their fault they had been brought into this horrific situation; they were completely innocent in the matter.  The anger came from the idea of how very different her life had been if the Sanders brothers had succeeded in their mission to remove Arizona not only from their sister’s life but from the world itself because of her “disgusting life-style choice.”

Callie couldn’t even allow her mind to go there. Everything that had happened to Arizona and ultimately to her was finally taking its toll. All of a sudden Callie felt like she just could not be in that room anymore. She knew it was only a matter of seconds before she was going to be a blubbering mess and the last thing she wanted was for her children to see her cry. She stood up and walked out of the room as fast as she could shouting over her shoulder to Alice that she would be right back. Once out of the room, she walked quickly to the on call room next to the nurses’ station. She closed and locked the door and sat down on the bed. It was at this moment, that she finally allowed herself to fall apart.

Nix Taylor liked to think of himself as a forgiving person. There were not many people in the world that he could honestly say he hated, well except for a few celebrities but who doesn’t have a famous face they’d like to hit. But as he had stood outside that waiting room staring at the woman who had cost him his best friend being in his life for so many years he felt something he had actually never felt before; complete and utter loathing.  And now here they were, sitting in his office in what had to be the most awkward silence he had ever experienced because she said she had to apologize to him, well as far as he was concerned she owed him a lot more than an apology. 

Monica sat staring down at the desk and wringing her hands together. She clearly had no idea where to start and Nix was beginning to grow impatient.  Monica finally lifted her head and looked at him, she pointed at a picture frame on his desk.

“Is that your daughter? She’s beautiful Phoenix, how old is she?” Monica’s voice was shaky and nervous as she spoke to him.  Nix folded his arms across his chest.

“Cut the crap Monica, we’re not here to have a cosy little catch up ok.” He almost spat the words out in frustration. Monica sighed and nodded her head.

“You’re right, you’re right. “ Monica took a deep breath before continuing. “I know I have no right to be here asking Arizona or her family, hell even you for forgiveness.”

“Sing it.”

“A part of me knows that I’ll never fully be able to forgive myself for what I did. I told one of the worst lies anyone could ever tell and let everyone believe that a sweet, wonderful, beautiful person like Arizona was capable of…” All of a sudden something inside of Nix snapped. He stood up from his chair, towering over the scared woman.

“Do not talk about Arizona like that, like you know her. She was in love with you, you knew that and you just destroyed her life, ripped it to shreds without so much as blinking. How could you do that? Do you know that I was the one who actually ultimately convinced her to ask you out? All I ever heard from her was Monica this and Monica that and I thought you were going to be good for her. The fact that I gave her that push makes me feel sick because I am supposed to protect her. I promised her parents and her brother that I would protect her and I failed because I thought you were good for her.”

Monica sat in stunned silence, tears running down her face. Nix shook his head at her.

“No, you do not get to cry about this. Because of what you did, Arizona cut me out of her life. Did you know that? Yeah her therapist told her to make a new start so she cut me and all her other old friends out of her life. I lost my best friend for years, literally years and the only reason she became a part of my life again was through pure luck. So you do not get to cry because you made that happen. You ruined everything.”

“I know ok! I know what I did; I don’t need you to remind me because I have spent every single day since it happened thinking about it. I was scared, and I know that is not in any way an excuse for my behaviour but you’ve seen first-hand exactly what my family are capable of. They think being gay is a sin, they feel so strongly about it that they had me believing it too. It may be impossible for you to believe, but I loved Arizona, I really did but I was so terrified of what my family would do that it made me go insane. I’ve learnt so much over the years, mainly through what Arizona taught me in the short time we were together.” Nix, feeling calmer sat himself back down in his chair and listened.

“She was so sure of herself; she knew exactly what she wanted out of life. When I was with her she made me feel like I could do anything and at the time I resented her for it, because all I’d ever known my whole life was that the feelings I was having were supposedly wrong, but I couldn’t stay away from her. When we finally spent the night together, at the time I was so happy but come morning I was almost paralysed with fear that I dove straight into denial and I let everyone believe something that was so far from the truth it was crazy. After all this happened, I knew I had to get away from my family, so as soon as I finished college; I left Seattle and never looked back. I left a note which was essentially my coming out to them.  I was so ashamed of everything I’d done that I’d slowly started to drink away the pain. I had a severe alcohol problem for almost 4 years before I finally realized that I needed help.”

“Please don’t try and make me feel sorry for you.” Nix said, slowly starting to soften.

“I’m not, but can I please finish?” Nix nodded, “I spent 4 months at a rehab facility in Pasadena trying to get my life back together, and surprisingly, that place changed my life in ways I never ever thought it would. That place helped me get sober, helped me to deal with my demons and on top of that, I met the best thing to ever happen to me, my wife, Mary and now we have 3 beautiful children. After we got married I started my own business in Pasadena, a counselling centre for LGBT youth. I had to find some way to help myself deal with what I did and now I have 12 different centres all across California helping kids just like me so that no one can make the same horrible mistakes that I made.”

Nix hated to admit it, but he was slightly impressed with the woman on how she’d turned her life around.

“I’m a changed woman, Phoenix, and I know you may not believe me, but I am sorry. I’m sorry to Arizona for everything I did to her then, and now. I’m sorry to her family, and I’m sorry to you. I’m sorry that you lost your best friend for so long because of me.  I am so sorry.”

Monica gave him a weak smile and wiped her eyes before standing up.

“Like I said, I’m not asking you for forgiveness, I just wanted you to know that.” Nix nodded his head. He was speechless. Monica walked towards the door but just before she turned the handle, Nix found his voice.

“Monica?” She stopped and turned her head. “Thank you.” She smiled at him and nodded her head before leaving his office. A small portion of the guilt she’d carried for so long falling down off her shoulders.

Callie sobbed with her head in her hands as she sat in the on call room. She hated to be the one crying and a mess when her family needed her so much but she couldn’t take it anymore. The sound of a knock on the door made her lift up her head.

“Callie?” It was Addison. Callie sighed at the sound of her friend’s voice. “Callie I know you’re in there. Please let me in.” Callie, knowing from experience that Addison was going to stand there knocking until she opened the door, stood up and let her in. Addie stepped into the room and quickly locked the door behind her. Seeing her friend so broken hurt her heart. She had never seen Callie this broken and it shocked her.

“Addie I hate this.” Callie said through more sobs as she once again sat on the bed. Addison sat down next to her long-time friend and placed an arm around her shoulders pulling her close enough for Callie to lay her head on hers.

“I know sweetie, I know.” The two women sat in silence for a good few minutes as Callie continued to cry. Addison knew that right now no words needed to be said; Callie just needed literally a shoulder to cry on. It took Callie roughly 10 minutes to get to a place where she could actually talk to Addison.

“How did we get here?” Addie just shook her head. She couldn’t believe everything Callie and Arizona had gone through over the years. They were such strong people both together and a part but there is only so much people can take. “Life was so great for us; I really thought we’d had our share of disasters you know? I guess I was just kidding myself. My life has always been a disaster in one way or another; it was only a matter of time before something else hit us.”

“Callie, trust me, your life is anything but a disaster. You have a wife that pretty much worships the ground you walk on. 3 beautiful daughters and a son that quite honestly if he wanted to could easily be chief of surgery by the time he’s 12.” Callie let out a little watery chuckle. “Let’s face it, your family is sickeningly adorable and I for one am incredibly jealous of what you and Arizona have. You two are perfect together.”

“I love them all so much Addie. It’s just, how much more are we going to have to go through?  First the car crash and now this.”

“Well, you know what they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Callie laughed and lifted her head up off her friends shoulder.

“Did you just quote Kelly Clarkson?”

“Hey, it’s a good song.” Callie let out another laugh and sniffed. “What I mean is, you and Arizona have been through so much and each time you’ve been knocked down, you’ve just risen up twice as strong. You survived the past and you’ll survive this. It might not feel like it right now, but you will. I know it and deep down you know it.” Callie still didn’t look any happier. Addison stood up and pulled out her phone. She pressed a couple of buttons before that very same Kelly Clarkson song began to play through the speakers with Addie dancing.

“Addie what are you doing?” Callie asked once again laughing.

“I’m dancing, we’re gonna dance it out.”

“I’m sorry but when did we become Grey and Yang?”

“Come on! Humor me?” Addison pulled Callie to her feet and pushed and pulled her arms until she started dancing with her.

“This never leaves this room.” Callie warned as she danced


The two women danced to 3 more songs before Callie felt like she was ready to go back to her children.

“Thank you Addie.”

“Anytime Callie.”

Over the next few hours, Callie remained in the waiting room with her children. They played games, she read them a story, and she helped them draw pictures for Arizona. Teddy had come out twice to give Callie updates and so far everything had been fine. Nix and Monica had arrived back from talking and all seemed to be civil and even though not a word was spoken between adult and adult about anything other than all seven children, the atmosphere was a lot less tense. Later that night, all the kids had fallen asleep and Callie was halfway there when Teddy came to see her. Arizona was out of surgery and she was awake, asking for her wife. Callie quickly woke up Alice before following Teddy to Arizona’s room.

When Callie entered Arizona’s room, she breathed a huge sigh of relief now that she could see with her own eyes that her wife was ok. Arizona offered her a weak smile as she walked towards the bed. Callie immediately bent down and kissed her, once on the lips and once on the forehead before sitting down in the chair next to her bed.

“I’m so glad you are okay. I was so worried.” Callie gripped Arizona’s hand.

“I’m sorry Calliope.”

“Hey, hey do not apologize; none of this is your fault.” She brought their joined hands up to her mouth and gently kissed her wife’s hand.

“So tell me, Dr. Altman.” Arizona directed her gaze upon Teddy. “Am I healed?” she said it in a slightly upset and in a way bitter voice but with that familiar hint of sarcasm that Callie knew and loved.

“There was a small tear in your spleen which was what was causing you to bleed and there was also a small clot forming on top of your lungs due to the damage done by the knife on your chest which was what was causing the shortness of breath which led us to believe you were having a panic attack. Luckily Dr Bailey was able to repair your spleen and we were also able to remove the clot with almost no difficulty at all.”

“Almost?” Callie asked a hint of worry in her voice.

“Clots, no matter what the size are always slightly complicated. Arizona as long as you take It easy, get plenty of rest, don’t do anything to get yourself worked up again and literally just lie in that bed just eating and watching TV and only get up when you need to use the bathroom for the next few days, you are going to be fine.”

“Seriously? Can’t I go visit some of my patients, if I’m super careful?” Callie and Teddy laughed.

“You heard Teddy, bed rest and peeing, that’s it for you.” Arizona pouted making Callie laugh and kiss her. “And if you decide to sneak away like last time, I’m not above getting a nurse to give you a catheter.” Arizona opened her mouth in shock.

“You wouldn’t?”

“Just you test me Arizona Robbins-Torres.” Arizona opened her mouth to protest but decided against it. But there was one thing that was still on her mind.

“I have just one more request and I know what you will think about this but I need it. I want to talk to Monica again. I swear I am not going to get myself worked up again.” Callie and Teddy exchanged worried glances.

“Arizona…” Callie began.

“Please Calliope! I need this. Please?” Arizona was now begging her. She really did need this.

Callie and Teddy left the room to talk it over and Teddy agreed to let them talk for five minutes and that was it. The last thing anyone needed was Arizona working herself into another surgery. Callie walked slowly to the waiting room to get Monica. Monica was shocked to hear that Arizona wanted to talk to her and when she stood up Nix insisted on coming too. The three of them walked to Arizona’s room in silence; none of them knowing how this was going to go, but each eager to get it over with.

“Hello.” Monica said quietly as she and Callie walked into the room, Nix following close behind. Arizona stared at Nix with confusion.

“If you want me to leave, I will.” Arizona continued to stare at him before shaking her head. Nix stood at the back of the room leaning against the wall, while Callie made her way over to sit with her wife.

“I know you probably don’t believe me, but I’m so glad that you are alright Arizona.” Monica’s voice was unsteady but sincere.

“I didn’t ask you to come in here for your pity.” Arizona said firmly, yet in a calm voice. Callie placed her hand on top of her wife’s.  “I wanted to talk to you so that I could finally try and get some closure on this nightmare and to finally end it once and for all.”

Monica stood with baited breath waiting for Arizona to say what she had to say.

“Everything I said to you earlier, I meant every single word of it and I don’t take them back. “ Monica nodded her head. “But still, as much as I was not expecting this to happen, I’m going to choose to forgive you.” Callie, Monica, and Nix were all stunned by Arizona’s words.

“I won’t be able to forget what you did to me; it was one of the worst things I’ve ever been through. Yet at the same time, I can’t even begin to imagine the terror and self-loathing that must go through someone’s mind to do something like that. I’m sick and tired of hating you and it’s really not the kind of example I want to set for my children. I’m sure you feel the same on that note. I’ve turned my life around, you’ve turned your life around, and we both seem happy despite the past, so I want to keep it that way. We will never be a part of each other’s lives, but I do forgive you and I hope you’ll respect that enough for us to never have to speak of or hear of each other again.”

“Thank you, Arizona.” Arizona gave her a small nod before looking away, tears beginning to form in her eyes. Monica turned her attention to Callie. “It was nice to meet you; you are both very lucky to have such a wonderful life together.” She then turned to Nix, “Goodbye Phoenix.” Nix was silent as Monica walked out of the room and out of their lives for good.

Arizona let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding and a single tear ran down her face. Callie kissed the top of her wife’s head before kissing her lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you.” Arizona smiled and kissed her again. Nix cleared his throat to get their attention.

“I have to go pick up Emily but I just want you to know Nona.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “I just want you to know that I love you and thank God you’re okay.” Nix turned to leave the room.

“Nix?” It was barely louder than a whisper but it stopped him in his tracks and he turned around.

“Yeah Nona?”

“Maybe, once I’m home you, Greg, and Emily could come over for brunch or something?” A huge smile grew on Nix’ face and he nodded.

“We’d love that.” He gave her a wink before leaving, happy in the knowledge that eventually they would be okay after all.

5 days later……..

“Calliope you do not need to keep fussing over me, really I’m okay.” Arizona said with a small kind of pained laugh as she got out of the car.

“You heard what Teddy said you can’t overdo it and I’m just worried that you are going to…” Arizona turned around and placed a finger on her wife’s lips.

“You worry way too much.” Callie smiled. “But I love you for it.” Arizona gave her a quick kiss.

“I love you too.” Callie pecked her lips once more before getting Arizona’s bag out of the car. “Now let’s go inside before your children drive your parents into an asylum.”

“Oh wow, I’m not even in the house yet and they are already MY children.” Arizona laughed as Callie helped her slowly towards the house. “You are something else Torres.”

“Something awesome.” Arizona rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Callie opened the front door and put down the bag. She led Arizona inside and the site in front of her made her wife gasp slightly. Hanging up in the hallway was a huge pink sparkly glitter banner that read “Welcome Home Mommy.”

“SURPRISE!” shouted all the kids and Barbara and the Colonel. This was one surprise party Arizona loved. All four children looked absolutely adorable. Sofia had her hair in a French braid down her back and was wearing a pretty purple dress. Skye and Sienna had their long blonde hair in plaited pigtails and were wearing matching pink dresses. While Spencer looked dashing in his little suit and tie. He looked happy to see his mother but Arizona knew he hated wearing that suit. He said it was itchy.

“Wow! What a welcome!” Arizona beamed as the kids all came over and Callie picked them up one by one so they could gently hug and kiss her. “Anyone would think you guys missed me.”

“We did miss you Mommy.” Skye said while Sienna nodded her head.

“We missed you thisssssssssssss much!” Skye put emphasis on the this by holding out her arms as wide as she could. Arizona opened her mouth pretending to be shocked.

“You girls look so pretty. I love the hair.” All 3 girls grinned at their mother’s approval, “And Spencer you look like such a little man in that suit, so handsome.”

“Well first of all, Mother, I am a little man because that’s basically what a boy is and secondly I look like a doofus.”

“Well I think you look absolutely awesomely adorable.” Spencer rolled his eyes sarcastically with a smile. Arizona ruffled his hair, pinched his cheek and squeakily said with a giggle “my cute little munchkin.”

“Mom stop!” Spencer said loudly but he was laughing.

Barbara, who had disappeared into the kitchen, came walking back into the hallway.

“Ok who’s ready for vanilla and strawberry ice cream cake?” There was a collective shout of me, me, me as all 4 kids ran off into the kitchen with their grandmother, Callie and Arizona following slowly behind. Standing in the kitchen doorway, Arizona was suddenly struck with the thought of Callie’s request for a 5th child. She had immediately thought it was crazy and that four children under 6 was more than enough to handle. Yet as she watched her children in the kitchen go from laughing one second to arguing over whom got the biggest slice or the first slice of ice cream cake, she couldn’t help but wonder if it really was that crazy.

Her family was the greatest thing in her life, the dream she never knew she had until she had it. Their house and hearts were all so full of love, surely adding another child would just make that love and bond so much greater. And with that thought Arizona had made up her mind.

“Aren’t they amazing?” It was more of a rhetorical statement than an actual question that Callie came out with. Arizona nodded her head in agreement and snuggled into her wife.

“Unbelievably so.” Callie let out a hearty chuckle.

“This, moment right here, I don’t think I’d change a single thing. It’s perfect.”

“I dunno, I feel like there is one thing missing.” Callie looked at her in confusion. “I mean there are 3 mini Arizona’s and only 1 mini Calliope, that’s just not right. I think we need to do something about that.” Callie’s eyes opened wide as she took in her wife’s words.

“Arizona, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Arizona nodded and just like she had done the first time they had done this, she placed her hand on Callie’s stomach.

“I’m in.”

Fanfic: Third Time's a Charm

Title:  Third Time's a Charm
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: PG
Summary: Three accidents lead to a life neither ever imagined...  And it's better than anything they could have thought possible.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story.  It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less.

A/N: This was written for the callie_arizona community triathlon event with brittlovesher and xena_and_gabby .  They are seriously the best partners ever and I think we had a blast writing this and choosing songs and watching the amazing video Brittany made!  Hope you all like it. :)

          “Life is an accident. It’s an accident based around luck, because you have one sperm and one egg and all the rest of it is just pure accident and chance,” Callie states nervously, her eyes glancing around the room but refusing to make contact, knowing that her nerves were already getting the better of her, “Life is pinpointed around a series of accidents, whether it be tripping and hurting yourself, or accidentally falling in love with someone you never expected. Accidents shape us; they mold us into what we are. There will be accidents that you forget because they are so small, and there will be accidents you remember for the rest of your life as if they just happened yesterday. My life has been a chain of poorly thought accidents, a lot of which I can’t really remember. However, there are three very pivotal accidents that got me to where I am today, three accidents that I can never forget. No matter how much I wish I could at times.” Callie sighs, biting her bottom lip as she struggles to keep the pickling tears at bay. To say that Calliope Torres is a basket of nerves would be the understatement of the century, but an irony that she really hopes nobody else can notice.

“I was never a normal kid, you know? No matter how hard my parents really wanted me to be,” She chuckled, wiping the sweat from her brow with a disgruntled sigh, “I was the kid who sat in the back of the classroom, chewed on my hair, always got picked last for gym class, played with my ferret and studied… a lot. I was groomed to be in the Miami elite though, so I knew people. I went to parties. But I was pretty lost until I went to Africa with the Peace Corps. A decision that nearly gave my mother a hernia,” Callie pauses with a fond chuckle before she finds the courage to continue, “That was when I decided that I wanted to be a doctor. But as much as I loved being a doctor, and the fact that I had made that decision on my own, the real dream that I’ve really had since forever, was to have a child.” Callie smiles brightly, her eyes locking with that of her daughter.  The girl manages to keep growing the more she sees her, she swears one day she is just going to blink and she is going to be thirty five with kids of her own.

“Sofia, my beautiful daughter, was a happy accident. She was conceived when I was in a not so happy place, by two people who were thinking about other people. Not exactly the most romantic way to make a baby, if you ask me,” Callie scoffed with a gentle laugh, glancing up to the ceiling in thought before she continues, “But I don’t regret those actions at all, and I never will, because it is how my daughter came to be and I have wanted her since before I can even remember. But it wasn’t easy. I was hurting and missing Arizona and I didn’t have anything. No girlfriend, no job, and no apartment. Mark saved me. Just like Mark had always saved me, and that wasn’t exactly a good thing.” Callie laughs, licking her dry lips as she begins to pace, more out of habit than actual nervousness.

“We were in the misery loves company phase and bad decisions were made. Really, really bad decisions in which we did not even remotely think through. But out of those ill faded decisions came a beautiful little girl. My rendezvous with Mark had been an accident that I thought would cost me everything, including the woman that I love most. But as fate would have it,” Callie stops sharing a gentle smile with her wife, “the accident made us stronger. Sure, those were some really challenging times, but we made it through, together. We grew together as a couple and as parents. We loved each other as hard as we could and none of the rest of it mattered. Looking back now, Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres may have been an accident. But she is, and will always be the happiest accident of my life.” Callie sighs as she wiped a tear from her eye, gazing back at the little girl who reminds her so strikingly of herself.

“However, the way that she came into this world was anything but a happy accident,” Callie exhales, those ever so prevalent tears prickling in her eyes once more as she glances between her darling wife and her ever so beautiful daughter, “Five years ago, I almost lost my life and Sofia did too. We were all involved in a terrible car crash. The truck came out of nowhere… it came out of n-nowhere.” Her voice is barely audible as she swallows the lump in the back of her throat.

“I know Arizona blamed herself for the accident, because that is just the person that she is. She was the one who was driving when the truck appeared and she was the one who was talking. I know that she thinks it is her fault, the accident and the whole… fight about Mark and how involved he was in my life… in our life. And I was trying to avoid the entire situation; I let her fight about it because it was easier to fight about Mark rather than to admit the truth,” Callie breathes deeply, batting her eyelashes to keep the tears from sliding down her cheeks. If there is one thing Calliope hates more than public speaking, it is crying in public. And she knows that now is certainly not the time for this.

“Which was that I still blamed her for Africa and I was afraid... afraid that it would happen again; that she would leave me again. So I kept Mark in our relationship as a buffer… like a safe place… a safety net, I suppose. I knew that if anything went wrong with Arizona and I, Mark would be there, just like he had always been there. And I wasn’t ready to admit he was the problem, that he was the reason our relationship was barely surviving. But when Arizona proposed to me in that car… It was so… heartfelt. And spontaneous, which is nothing like Arizona, at all. She wanted commitment and rings and I… I was the one who forced her to do that in our car, in the middle of nowhere, while we were fighting about Mark infringing on our time. So if there was anyone to blame in that situation, surely it would be me, or even the both of us. But it was never Arizona’s fault. Ever,” Callie exclaims her hooded eyes meeting with Arizona’s bottled blues and the curly haired blonde sucks in a hard breath at her wife’s sudden emotional giving’s.

“We made mistakes. And we’re still making them,” Callie chuckles softly, “But that accident changed something inside me.  I realized how much I loved Arizona, and how much I really wanted to be with her, without the buffer between us.  I don’t know why it took this accident for me trust again, but it happened.” Callie laughs at her own insecurity about the accident and smiled widely, her eyes still fixated upon her darling Arizona.

“She still laughs at me for this, but I swear, it must have been the head injury, or the really good drugs or something, but people were singing to me as they were operating on me. Yeah, singing, and pretty damn good too! Who knew the doctors at Seattle Grace-Mercy West had such great voices?!” Callie teases with a nervous chuckle.

 “Yet, in the middle of all this sadness… of this terrible tragedy that was happening to me, to us, there was this bright spot of sunshine.  There was just this beautiful moment where my entire consciousness came to the realization of how much I love Arizona and that I couldn’t keep going on that way.  Now in my head, we were in a flying car with a beautiful blue sky and bright white puffy clouds with rays of golden sunshine beaming down at us while I serenaded Arizona and maybe that was the kick in my pants that I needed, but I woke up and couldn’t think of anything other than saying yes to Arizona, so I did. In fact, it was the very first thing I said. I wasn’t giving her any chance of backing out on this one,” Callie laughs as she looks up at Arizona who simply shakes her head lovingly at her wife’s antics.

“In the following months, things for me seemed to be coming together. I had the woman of my dreams, the child I always wanted, things were going great. Super, even!” Callie winks at Arizona and watches her laugh before continuing, “But as my life was finally, after years, coming together, Arizona’s life seemed to be falling apart. First, learning about Nick’s cancer and then the possibility of losing her best intern to John Hopkins, things were really going downhill for Arizona. And that was before the worst of it. Because she was in an accident too, an accident…” Callie pauses as the cry thickens in the back of the throat, a tear spilling past the dam of strength she had been so desperate to keep together.

“Her plane fell out of the sky,” Callie’s voice cracks and Arizona gently attempts to stand, but Callie quickly reprimands her wife’s compassionate gesture with a shake of her head, swallowing the cry, “While I was home, waiting in our bed for her to come home, she was in the middle of the woods, fighting for her life. While I was telling the world how great and super and awesome my life was, my best friend and his soulmate were losing their lives and my wife was at threat of losing her own.” Callie voice cracks again and this time, Arizona only watches on with tear filled eyes.

“How, as a wife, can you not know something like that is happening? Shouldn’t I have felt something? Shouldn’t I have…?” Callie rambles off with a heavy sigh as she sucks in a hard breath, “when you’re in a situation like that, you automatically think the worst of things and I began wondering what my life would be like without her. And let me tell you, it wasn’t…. good. I pictured what it would be like without Arizona, and there are … no words. No words for that kind of hurt or pain or absolute misery. Because Arizona… she’s everything. And losing her… I couldn’t live through that. Ever.” Callie sniffles at the harsh reality of what her life would be like without her wife as a cry tickles just at the base of lips. Swallowing deeply, her eyes flicker up to her wife where she gazes at her lovingly, trying blissfully to ignore the tears in her wife’s eye as well.

“Thank you for not dying. Thank you for coming back for m-me and Sofia. I will never be able to thank you enough,” Callie whispers, her eyes solely locked upon Arizona’s, who only nods her head in response to her wife’s statement. Smiling softly, Callie gestures for her wife to stand with a flick of her wrist and at first, Arizona is reluctant with a shake of her head. Grinning wider, Callie gestures again with a hushed ‘come on’ and the blonde hesitantly does so. Gently, she laces her fingers with Calliope’s, who practically beams at their gentle gesture. Callie takes a moment to swoon at her wife before she holds up the small flute of champagne, a movement that Arizona soon mimics.

“Life is full of accidents and a lot of people like to complain about them, they like to blame them for the reason their life turns out the way that it does, but personally, I like to thank the accidents in my life. Sure, I’ve had a lot of them, like more than the average human being. I’ve slept with the wrong people and I’ve flew through a windshield, and my wife’s plane fell from the sky. But in retrospect, all those things, all those terrible accidents, brought Arizona and I even closer together. All those things made my love for Arizona stronger,” Callie grins, looking at her wife who is fighting the tears in her eyes.

“I love you, Arizona.  And it’s about time we did this legally, because even though we’ve been married for five years, some blissful and others turbulent, the state of Washington didn’t recognize it.  Now they have no choice,” Callie beams with a chuckle, as does the audience, who all take a swig of their champagne after Callie’s speech comes to a close.

“That was really beautiful, Calliope,” Arizona whispers breathlessly, a remark that creates a warm blush in Callie’s cheeks. Smiling at her beautiful wife, the blonde gently caresses her cheek as she pulls her in for a soft kiss, an action that receives wolf whistles and loud clapping from their audience. Blushing quietly, Arizona pulls away with a giggle as she turns to face the audience, scanning through the crowd of familiar faces. Her parents are sitting with Carlos and Lucia, who finally, after two long years came around and apologized to her daughter for her blatant disapproval of the one thing that makes her truly happy. Since then, Lucia Torres has not only accepted Arizona as her daughter-in-law, but has stepped up and became a full time dotting grandmother. Glancing over, Arizona can’t help but smile at Mama O’Malley, who was sitting at the same table, watching Sofia and her little sister, Madison Riley.  

At first, Arizona felt that a second wedding was too much and completely unnecessary, but Callie eventually wore her down.  They agreed to have a large party and invite their friends and family to celebrate the renewing of their vows and their newly printed marriage certificate, despite the fact they’ve been happily married for five years and have two gorgeous children.  While looking out at the sea of familiar faces, Arizona feels an intense sense of pride and happiness.  She smiles brightly as Alex steps behind three year old Madison and tugs on one of her blonde ponytails, making her erupt in laughter.  Though Sofia, the ever watchful big sister gives him a look and tells him not to pick on her sister.  The entire scene sends a feeling of warmth over Arizona.  To think that Alex almost left for Johns Hopkins, but the plane crash made him change his mind.  Instead, he continued his fellowship with Arizona and now is an attending pediatric surgeon working as part of her staff at Seattle Grace-Mercy West.

“Come on, dance with me,” Callie says softly while pulling Arizona to her feet and leading her to the dance floor.  Arizona goes along willing, though playfully dragging her heels.  She glances over Callie’s body, the pretty black dress looking beautiful on her wife and hiding the barely there baby bump.  Number three is growing there and Arizona couldn’t feel prouder or more excited. Once safely in the middle of the dance floor, Callie pulls Arizona against her and kisses her temple gently.

 “See, I told you this was a good idea,”  Callie states, holding her head up high in pride, as a beaming grin plays upon her lips, practically blinding Arizona in brilliance.

“Yes, but don’t let it go to your head,” Arizona laughs, rolling her eyes in good nature. Smiling at her wife, Arizona slides her arms around her waist, pulling her closer to her as her gentle blue stare into Calliope’s hooded brown, “You are even more beautiful today than the first time we got married. You just have this glow and aura of pure happiness.”

“I think that might be number three making me appear that way,” Callie laughs, shaking her head slightly. This time around, they had decided to not know the sex of the baby, but secretly, they are both rooting for a boy. They had settled on calling the baby number three, at least for the time being, a habit started by Alex when Calliope was pregnant with Madison, also affectionately known as number two.

 “No, Calliope, you… you just take my breath away,” Arizona smiles widely before kissing her wife softly, “And the fact you’re having my baby again just sweetens the pot.”  She winks playfully, her blonde curls framing around her dimpled smiling face.

“I hope he has pretty blonde hair like Madison does,” Callie says with a grin.

“Well, I hope he has your pretty brown eyes then,” Arizona counters.

“He’s going to be perfect, regardless of what traits he gets,” Callie says before laughing softly, “but if he gets the dimples like you and Maddie have, then I’m in trouble.”

“We’ll just have to have another one then, use your egg this time, even the score, huh?” Arizona tilts her head slightly and gives Callie a dimpling smile, her tone of voice teasing lightly, but Callie can tell she is totally serious.

“I think I’ve created a baby monster,” Callie says, her voice breaking slightly at the realization that she finally has everything she could ever want with the woman she never knew she wanted and now knows she never wants to live without. Arizona can’t help but giggle softly as she shakes her head lovingly.

“I’ve always loved kids, Calliope.  Having my own just scared the crap out of me.  I know all the things that can go wrong.  I watch some children wither away and others die in a sudden accident, I see the ends of both spectrums, but what most other doctors don’t consider is watching the parents and their reactions.  Seeing families fall apart and others come together and try to give all their strength to this little body.  I have watched that all through my career and it just scared the bajeebus out of me…” Arizona pauses as she takes a moment, swallowing the lump in her throat before a beaming smile begins to appear on her face.

 “But with you, Callope… I’m not as scared.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared to death, but I’ve never had a partner like you.  And with your support, I know that we can handle anything, I mean, look at that speech you made tonight.  All that stuff we went through, and here we are, as strong as ever, as in love and in awe of one another as we’ve ever been.  It’s just amazing, Calliope.  And you’re the one that gives that feeling to me.  Sofia made me realize we could do this which is why I wanted Madison so bad.  And this little one…” they both look down to Calliope’s stomach,  “I might be a monster for our kids,” a shared laugh before Arizona continues, “But it’s only because of you that I was able to face that fear and shove it away and truly live.” The wide grin on Arizona’s face is practically blinding Calliope who cannot help but look at her wife with misty eyes. Gently, the raven haired beauty reaches out to caress her wife’s cheek, pulling her in for a soft kiss.

“Yeah, I knew I made the right decision when I said yes, I’d marry you,” Callie teases and Arizona laughs, wiggling her eyebrows as she leans in to respond, but is interrupted by two sets of scampering feet, running around her.

 “Mami! Mama!  Awunt Baywee says she eats all da cake if we don’t cuts it soons!”  Madison states in excitement, her cutely incorrect English practically stumbling over itself as she runs an arm length in front of her sister, who is in dead pursuit to catch her.

“Sorry, Mami, Uncle Alex told me I should stop her, but she’s just too fast for me,” Sofia says as she catches up to her sister, panting for a breath as she bumps into her playfully, an action that causes Madison to erupt in heartfelt giggles.

 “Wike supagirls?” Madison holds her arms up wide, her blue eyes glistening with imagination as she jumps playfully, attempting to fly. Sofia nods with a grin, grabbing her younger sister’s hand as she squeezes it lovingly.

“You are a super girl, Maddie,” Sofia beams. With a crooked grin, Madison throws herself on Sofia, wrapping her in a hug and both parents stand, watching their daughters in awe as adoring smiles curl upon their lips.

 “We have the best kids, Calliope,” Arizona says with a grin. Callie nods in agreement as she grabs Madison in her arms, poking her sides playfully as Arizona does the same with Sofia, the family lazily making their way toward the cake.

 “No eats it, Awunt Baywee!” Madison yells sharply, gathering the attention of all the surrounding friends and family, everyone laughing in the happy and warm environment and basking in the glow of a loving family.

Fanfic: The Sound of Silence

Title:  The Sound of Silence
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: R
Summary: Speculation after the crash.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story.  It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less.

A/N:  I started this after episode 8x23, so I didn’t have all the info that happened in the finale, so not all things are as they were in the finale.  This is most likely a one shot.  I’ve been working on this for a while, so I apologize if there are things similar in other stories that have been posted.

The silence is unbearable. 

The smell of burnt flesh lingers in the air.

Not just the scent of burnt flesh, but burning embers still actively devouring oxygen and just a hint of gasoline.

I’ve witnessed disasters.  I’ve been a part of them; running in to save lives; directing others on what to do; observing things from a radio away.

Oh yes, I’ve witnessed disasters and there is always chaos. 

But not here.

This silence is unbearable.

The lower half of my body has finally numbed enough to where the pain is just a dull ache.  Mark’s eyes were wide with worry, but I’m pretty sure his freak out was more concern for Lexie than me.  From what I could hear of the whispers, Lexie appears to be stuck under the tail of the plane.  She has obvious internal injuries, from what I could overhear.  And Mark sounded distraught.  It was unnerving to hear.

We didn’t have much medical equipment with us, but luckily, we’re responsible doctors and most of us had bags with us.  They only hold bare minimum supplies and only a few of the bags survived the crash.  Thankfully though, the pilot is alive; he’s been messing with the radio, trying to get it to work. 

I don’t know how much time has passed, I’ve been having trouble staying focused for a while and I think I’ve been slipping into short naps to help cope with the pain.  I’m sure this is nothing like what Lexie is feeling.  I know Mark has been with her, watching her, doing everything in his power to keep her well.  He’s a good man, a good father, I’m glad he wasn’t hurt.  Sofia doesn’t deserve to lose two parents.

I can’t help but close my eyes at that thought.  I need to keep positive.  I can’t leave Callie, or Sofia, not now.  Callie said she’d never leave me.  My eyes gaze down at my legs thankful Mark covered the left with a clean blanket. 

A moment later, Cristina is leading Meredith toward me.  They were off searching for Derek.  She glances at Meredith, who looks like she’s in shock as she turns back to me as they continue to walk.

“He’s dead,” Cristina says, not bothering to stop with the words.

I hear Mark’s voice next behind me, cracking in pain, “She’s dead too.”  He responds.

I can hear their hushed whispers behind me and the crackling of dead leaves under their feet as they walk away from where I am.

How could this have happened?  Will I get to see Callie again..?

The last time I felt this alone was when Callie and Sofia were dying and Mark was yelling at me that I was nothing… 

Why is there so much silence..?  This silence unbearable…  I can’t take it anymore and I scream as loud as I possibly can before blackness surrounds me.

Arizona grunted in pain as she shifted in the hospital bed.  Her head was swimming, her stomach was churning, her lungs screamed in pain with each breath, bruises littered her body and her face, and her right leg was screaming for some miracle of attention, some drug to put it out of its misery, but she’d currently hit her limit of morphine.  But hey, she felt nothing from her left leg.

Panic fluttered through her entire being and she pulled the covers off her legs and groped at her left calf, then thigh.  It was still there.  Her foot was still there too.  Everything was present.  She still had a left leg, she just couldn’t feel it.  She glanced down at the track marks showing proof of surgery and sighed at how dark and marred her skin appeared.

She leaned back in the bed and whimpered a soft breath, holding back tears.  Today, Callie would arrive and it would be the first time they’ve seen each other since the crash two days ago.  She felt nervous, pain, and a little high.  That thought made her want to giggle, but it sounded more like a strangled cry.

A nurse walked in, “Are you okay, Dr. Robbins?”

Arizona smiled slightly, it didn’t reach her eyes and it was obvious to the nurse she was forcing it, “Just fine…  Tell me, is my wife here yet?”

The nurse walked to her bed and patted her left foot, she couldn’t feel the touch.  “No, not yet…  They had some trouble deciding on how to get here, given the circumstan--...”

Arizona interrupted her midsentence, “She didn’t want to fly.  I get it…  I don’t want her to fly either.  Always feel closer to death in a plane… especially now.”  She wanted to flop her arms, but knew pain would be involved and decided to lie rather still.

The nurse stared for a few moments, her mouth moving, but nothing coming out.  Arizona thought she looked like a clown fish, her bright orange hair, black eyeliner and white skin.  She rolled her eyes and turned to look up to the ceiling, “I’m sure you have other patients that need you more than me.”

The nurse looked offended at being dismissed in this way, but she spun and left the room.

Arizona sighed deeply and it just caused a flare of pain in her lungs as she released the breath.  She’d been in constant pain, physically and emotionally since the crash.  The pilot was fine of course, kept muttering about changes in air pressure and a sudden drop in air flow, but she didn’t care.  All she knew is two of her friends were dead; the most talented neurosurgeon in the country, probably the world gone in the blink of an eye; and one of the most promising surgical residents she’d ever worked with.

Who knew what was happening with Meredith right now.  Arizona couldn’t hold in a loud sob.  Just thinking of Callie being left in that position, after the hard week they had gone through with Nick.  And another promise Arizona broke, Nick passed away while she was in the middle of nowhere hurt and basically alone.

Nick was alone when he died, so much for that promise.

She was alone when she almost died, so much for that promise with Callie too.

Mark was standing outside of Meredith’s examination room, glancing inside.  Cristina’s hand was wrapped in Meredith’s, who was lying in bed, staring into space.  Meredith’s eyes were glazed over and she hadn’t moved since being put in the bed hours ago.  Cristina was worried.  Meredith seemed to have lost her light.  Cristina looked up at him and they shared a look before she shook her head and turned back to Meredith.

Mark sighed deeply.  They would be sent back to Seattle soon, but Meredith would be placed in a psychiatric hospital.  She appeared to be stuck in a catatonic state and nothing Cristina has tried has changed that.  She lost the love of her life and sister within minutes of each other from a plane crash which she was injured in as well.  How does one bounce back from that?

He turned on his heels and headed toward the other room, where Arizona was being treated.  He was so glad that Arizona was alive.  He didn’t know if he would have been able to tell Callie any worse news than they already told her.  He felt this emptiness in his heart and his soul and he knew this feeling would break Callie, much worse than George or Erica ever did.  And his little girl would break without her other Mom.  He didn’t even want to contemplate that thought.  He was about to poke his head into the room when he heard sniffles and sobbing.  Arizona was breaking in that room and he just couldn’t fathom talking to her right now, so he walked past the door to the nurses’ station.  A smile and clever line later he was walking into a supply closet with a nurse.

Twenty minutes later a frantic Calliope Torres was wandering the halls of Yakima Regional (a small hospital in the city of Yakima, Washington, twenty miles from the crash site), Sofia latched to her hip, diaper bag and purse on her shoulder.  She had the news.  She knew that Arizona was alive and injured, but they said they would explain more in person.  She knew Derek and Lexie were dead and that Cristina, Mark and Meredith had just minor abrasions.  She knew Meredith was nonresponsive and that Cristina and Mark seemed fine.

But how could anyone be fine after being in a plane crash?

Callie almost didn’t go to see her wife and best friend after the day she had.  April Kepner was brought into the ER at SGMW the prior day and despite everything, she and Owen could not resuscitate her.  Avery said he went to Joe’s to talk to her, but she was to upset and drunk to bother listening and she ran off.  Not even a minute later an SUV plowed into her.  She was gone before she made it to the hospital.  And once she was digesting that bit of information a call came from Boise Memorial.  The panic set it and rumbled in her brain and swirled in her stomach as they asked where the surgeons from Seattle Grace-Mercy West were.  Owen immediately started calling channels and Callie did her best not to pull her hair out from worry.

Hours later, she was making arrangements for her and Sofia to fly into Yakima with Owen via helicopter.

She was almost to the nurses’ station when a door opened and out walked a nurse, fixing her scrubs followed by Mark Sloan.  Her jaw fell into her cleavage and it took a moment for the shock to wear off.  She slapped his arm hard.  Several times.  Sofia giggled and squealed and then started to hit Mark as well.

“Hey, hey, stop!” Mark cried and held up a hand.

“What are you doing?” Callie hissed her voice low.  She didn’t want to alert Arizona she was here until she could go and talk to her and she knew this was the right floor.

“I’m grieving,” he answered and crossed his arms.

“By sticking your penis in random places?” Callie cried and slapped him again.  Mark moved his hands over Sofia’s ears and dropped his jaw.  Sofia giggled and patted her hands against her fathers.

“Not exactly random…  Besides it’s better than feeling anything else.  I’ll grieve however I choose too.  And no saying that word in front of her until she’s thirty.”  Mark crossed his arms again.

Callie rolled her eyes and shook her head, “What about Julia?  You know, that really lovely woman you’ve been dating for months who wants to have a child with you?”

Mark’s face went red and he lowered it into Callie’s face and spoke with a firm voice, but it was low and dangerous, “Julia means nothing to me.  She was a place holder.  I was waiting for Lexie, playing house, trying to move on, being pushed on by you and Arizona and wanting the best for Sofia, but I was wrong!  And then I waited too long.  And she finally tells me she loves me and then the fucking plane crashes and crushes her!  So don’t you stand there and tell me how to grieve when Arizona is sitting in a room waiting for you.”

Sofia started crying and lowered her face into Callie’s neck, Mark’s tone obviously setting her off.  Callie went to respond, but Mark turned and walked away from her.  He was breaking in front of her eyes and throwing away everything he had for a ghost.  She took a moment to ponder his words, she did have Arizona… and if she didn’t have Arizona, she wasn’t sure what she would be doing now.  Maybe he was right and she shouldn’t criticize the way he’s handling his loss.

Callie took a moment to regroup and then spoke to a nurse quickly, who pointed out Arizona’s room.  She stepped over to the door and opened it.  She stood in the door way staring at Arizona.  She felt all the air leaving her lungs and a sense of relief flood her entire system.  Her Arizona was beautiful, even with the cuts and bruises on her face.  She was so gloriously alive and Callie wanted to do cartwheels and jumping jacks like a cheerleader and let the happiness she felt explode from her body in that moment.

Sofia whining and trying to escape her arms brought her back to her senses.  Sofia’s little chubby arms were reaching for Arizona.  She glanced at Sofia and then followed her line of sight, directly into Arizona’s beautiful bright blue eyes.  They looked into one another’s eyes and it was as if the world stood still.  No sound, no air, only brown and blue meeting in a hospital room.  Callie’s eyes finally moved over Arizona’s face, riddled with angry red marks and black and blue bruises.  “Oh Arizona…”  She wasn’t told much about the crash, but Arizona still looked fairly sick, which meant she probably was even worse when they brought her in.

Arizona’s eyes filled with tears and she turned away from them both just as Callie finally moved forward.  She stepped up to the bed and caressed Arizona’s cheek, her hand moving to her chin to force her to make eye contact again.  “Oh honey, I’m so sorry…” she whispered as she leaned in and pressed her lips softly to Arizona’s.  They both closed their eyes and savored the taste of one another.  “I love you,” Callie said, the words a solemn vow and Arizona felt them surround her in Callie’s love.  Sofia squealed happily, her hands tugging Arizona’s hair, breaking the spell.

“Hey, oww…” Arizona whined, but behind the words were a small giggle.  The sound made Callie’s heart soar and she sniffled back her own tears.  Arizona looked into her eyes and kissed her again while they were still close.

Callie tugged a chair closer and sat down, putting Sofia in her lap.  Arizona’s hand gently tickled Sofia’s cheek and she clapped at her.  “I couldn’t leave her, but I also knew she would want to see you.  She’s so happy, look at that face.”

They both watched Sofia for a moment, before they looked at one another again.  “God, Arizona…  I was so scared; I can’t imagine how it must have been for you.”

Arizona blinked her eyes, trying to hold back her tears.  “Calliope, it was terrible…”  And she finally started crying.  Callie maneuvered herself so that she could hold Arizona, who laid her head on her shoulder and keep Sofia in her arms as well.  “Everything was s-so silent…  And the smell…”

“Shh, cry,” Callie said softly, her free hand running through Arizona’s hair.  All the things they went through together, but Arizona was alone during this.  And she missed Nick passing away.  She was so angry about Nick waiting so long only to end up getting a death sentence and then Karev leaving her, she just couldn’t let Karev go on this trip.  Callie understood it, but she didn’t like it.  And she nearly took Karev’s head off when she found out about the crash.

The family sat huddled together.  Even Sofia seemed to understand that this moment was important, so she just cooed softly and leaned against Callie while Arizona cried into Callie’s shoulder.  It wasn’t often that the blonde would open herself up in this way and Callie felt fortunate to be the one that got all of Arizona’s colors, not just the perky pink side.  She also got the dark blues, reds, and blacks when Arizona was dark and twisty.  She couldn’t help but wonder if this was Arizona at her lowest, or if she was worse when Tim died.

“D-did Nick… did he suffer?” Callie sucked in a deep breath and tensed at Arizona’s question.  “I n-need to know.  He was supposed to go to Belize and sit on a b-beach; I wouldn’t h-have gone if I knew he was g-going to d-d…” 

Callie’s heart broke when Arizona couldn’t even say the word.  “I know, sweetie, I know...”  Callie murmured while kissing the top of Arizona’s head.  “No one knew the turn he was going to take, but I was with him.  I cancelled my schedule and stayed with him.  He knew you would have been, but I explained where you were and he looked proud, Arizona.  So proud of you.  I can see that he thought of you as a sister.  So we talked until he couldn’t talk anymore.  And he said…” Callie licked her lips and did her best to hold her tears at bay, this was Arizona’s moment and she needed to be her rock now, “He said, ‘Tell Glendale that I love her and that I’ll be with Tim, watching her and her hot wife.’”  Callie chuckled while running her free hand through Arizona’s hair, “I swear, that guy knows every city in Arizona.”

Arizona’s whimpers became soft giggles at Callie’s comment.  “I think he used to look t-them up when we were k-kids.  It just sort of s-stuck and became a thing he and… T-Tim did.  I think they were helping me get t-thicker skin, because they knew I’d be p-picked on.  They always looked out for me.”

“He was a great guy.  Sounds like your brother was too.”  Arizona whimpered again and started crying into her shoulder.  “He didn’t suffer.  Teddy and I were there and we made sure to keep him comfortable.  I’m sorry you heard it through the grapevine, instead of from me.”

“I should have been there with him.  I p-promised him…”  Arizona whispered quietly.

“I explained everything to him, Arizona.  Do you know how proud of you he was?” Callie asked as she watched Arizona intently.  When there was no answer, she continued, “He said he always knew you were going to be a success.  That he and Tim always knew you were going to help people in some way and the fact you devoted your life to children simply amazed him.  He was sad about the circumstances and that past pain led him to make a terrible mistake, but he was so happy he got to see you.  To see you happy and in love… he said I was a miracle to come into your life because he hadn’t seen you that happy since before…” her voice cracked and as she took a moment to swallow, Arizona continued.

“Since before Tim,” Arizona leaned back so she could look at her wife and child.  “And he was right, you know?  You fixed me in a way that I never thought possible…” Arizona licked her lips and smiled down at Sofia, who was distracted with something on Callie’s wrist.  “Sometimes, I forget to hurt when I think about Tim and I only have fond memories.  That never happened before you.”

Callie smiled widely and reached out to caress Arizona’s cheek.  She gently brushed her thumb over her cheekbone and then tilted her head slightly.  “I love you.  And I’m so happy you’re alive.  You survived a plane crash, Arizona.  A plane fell out of the sky and you are injured and I’m not happy about that, but you are alive, Arizona.  Thank you for not dying,” by now, tears were streaming down her face.

Arizona smiled; it was full and her dimples popped and it made Callie want to melt.  She grunted as she moved to press a kiss on Callie’s lips, “You made me a promise and I made the same one to you.  I won’t ever leave.”

Callie’s smile was magnificent and for a moment, Arizona forgot about all the pain in her body and all the loss in her heart.  But that moment was short lived as she took another breath and her chest reminded her of just how injured she was.  Callie eyed her wearily and gently caressed her cheek.  “You’re going to be fine, Arizona.”

Arizona nodded slightly and looked down at her left leg.  The leg she couldn’t feel.  And she was suddenly assaulted with tears again as she stared into Callie’s eyes.

“Hey, hey…” Callie whispered and did her best to calm Arizona while holding Sofia in her arms.  She tilted her head slightly and forced Arizona to look into her eyes, “Look, we don’t know anything yet, so we’ll talk to the doctors here and then we’ll know.”  She waited until Arizona nodded and then turned Sofia and sat the little girl on the bed in front of Arizona.  The pair lost themselves in their little girl, but Callie watched Arizona closely and she knew something was going on with her wife by the faraway look that often crossed her face.

“I’m tired, Calliope,” Arizona said softly and Callie could see that she wasn’t lying, but she wasn’t exactly being truthful either.  “Why don’t you and Sofia get some dinner and I’ll take a nap.”  Callie nodded, but said nothing while gathering her things and then lifting Sofia into her arms.  Sofia immediately started reaching for Arizona and whimpered softly.

Callie reached in and kissed Arizona gently and then held Sofia out to her so Arizona could kiss Sofia’s head.  “We’ll be back in a bit, get some rest, honey.”  Callie smoothed her hand over Arizona’s forehead while Arizona smiled up at her and nodded.  She then turned and headed out of the room, turning to watch her wife once more as she stared up at the ceiling, tears streaming down the side of her face.  Callie bit her lip and forced herself to leave.

And then Arizona was left in the unbearable sound of silence in her hospital room, consumed with fear and loss.

Two weeks in a hospital bed should have been driving Arizona crazy, but it wasn’t.  Instead, it was driving Callie crazy.  Callie was scared; terrified that she may have completely lost part of her wife due to this horrific crash.  Lexie was dead; Mark was screwing anything and everything that moved; and Arizona lay in a bed like a dead fish.  She talked and acted almost normal, but there was something off.  Something was missing.  The gleam in her eye was gone.  The childlike wonder she once looked at the world with suddenly morphed into an uncaring coldness.  Callie felt the change in Arizona, she heard it in how Arizona spoke to her and she saw it all over the face of her wife.

And she was powerless to stop it.  She felt like a bystander watching her life fall to pieces.

Callie took a deep breath and straightened herself while standing by the window of Arizona’s room.  She watched as Arizona watched television quietly.  The television in her hospital room was never off.  Books, magazines, pediatric journals sat untouched on a small table near the bed.  A tray of untouched food was beside the bed as well, which made Callie sigh deeply.  She can’t remember the last time Arizona had truly eaten anything and it was starting to show on her frame.  Mark, Karev, and Bailey had all said something to her and she had no idea how to respond. 

She felt lost and unsure, and completely herself.  She was off balance and it was hard to get back to her equilibrium while watching Arizona fall apart before her very eyes.  She looked into the room again and Arizona was just sitting and staring at the television screen.  She felt her heart drop into her stomach and swirl around, which forced her to take another deep breath, trying to settle that troublesome feeling within her.  Once settled, she put on a smile and stepped into the room.

“Hey, how are you feeling this morning?”  She said as she stepped inside and to the side of Arizona’s bed.  She dropped a brown bag on the tray next to Arizona’s bed after pushing the tray full of food a bit.  She kissed Arizona’s cheek and then sat down while taking hold of her hand.

“Oh, I’m doing well.  Still on the good drugs,” Arizona winked at Callie and forced a smile. 

Callie felt her stomach drop at the act Arizona was putting on, but just smiled and patted her hand.  “I’m sure they’ll be weaning you off soon.”

Arizona’s head snapped at Callie and she spoke in a firm voice, “Maybe when the pain goes away, they will!”

Callie’s mouth dropped at the tone and quickly closed it, swallowing the feeling of complete helplessness that she found herself in at that moment.

Arizona cleared her throat, “I’m sorry, I’m just… I’m still in a lot of pain everywhere, except the one place I should be feeling it.”  She frowned slightly and pointed at her left leg, but then she forced her face to perk up with a small smile, “Did you know that there are television shows about people who go around the country and pick through trash?  Why would anyone want to watch that?”

Callie smirked, “You know about it, I assume you watched it.”

Arizona blushed and turned back to the television, “There was nothing else on at four in the morning.”

“You haven’t been sleeping.” Callie said with an edge to her voice in the statement.

“I’m fine, Calliope,” Arizona responded without turning away from the television.

“If you say so,” Callie mumbled while she grabbed the brown bag she came in with.  Arizona didn’t say anything, but Callie was sure she spoke loud enough for her to hear.  “I brought you some doughnuts from the place you like downtown.  I had to stand in line for over forty-five minutes,” she scoffed while pulling a doughnut from the bag and holding it out to Arizona.

Arizona’s eyes remained on the television, “Thank you, that was nice of you, but really, the hospital food has been fine and I’m not—“

“The hospital food has been fine?” Callie cut her off while shaking her head.  “That’s why there’s a tray full of untouched food here, right?”  Callie’s hand gestured to the tray, not that Arizona was watching.  “Eat the damn doughnut,” she thrust it into Arizona’s face.

Finally, blue eyes landed on Callie again and there was a hard edge behind them as they narrowed a gaze at Callie.  She forcefully took the doughnut from Callie, took a bite, chewed it, swallowed, and then opened her mouth, sticking her tongue out so Callie could inspect and see that the morsel of food disappeared.  “Happy now?”  She dropped the rest of the doughnut on the tray and turned back to the television.  “You know what, I didn’t sleep so well last night, why don’t you go and I’ll try and sleep some.”

Callie felt tears gather in her eyes and that annoying irritation that came with crying at the back of her throat.  She swallowed it down painfully and willed herself not to cry.  “But I just got here and I wanted to spend some time with you.”

“You mean watch me sit here in bed like you have for the past two weeks?” Arizona laughed slightly and refused to turn away from the television.

“Arizona,” Callie paused after saying her name and took a good look at Arizona’s profile.  She had dark bags under her eyes and looked as though she aged years in a few days.  The scrapes were getting better, but they were still red and angry marks all over the face of her beautiful wife, but the small smile on Arizona’s lips was what annoyed her the most.  That small smile that never went away and lied about how she was feeling.  That dumb smile that never reached her eyes and that fooled most of the hospital, but Callie wasn’t fooled.  She was terrified.

“I’m fine, Calliope.  Yang and Meredith are taking another look at my spine later today even though we all know that’s not what’s causing the paralysis in my left leg.”  She shrugged like she wasn’t talking about the fact she couldn’t feel her left leg at all.  Like she hadn’t had two surgeries already, one fixing internal bleeding as well as the cracked femur and a second one to correct everything in that left leg.  She spoke about it like it was just another Tuesday in her life.

“Seriously, just go and get some work done.  I’ll be fine.”  Arizona nodded once with her words.

Callie was at her wits end.  She ran a hand through her hair and stood up.  She walked in front of the television and forced Arizona to make eye contact with her.  The two stared at each other and finally Arizona’s hands gripped into fists.  “Just go, Calliope!  I’ll be fine as long as I can sit here and watch TV and learn about picking trash, okay?!”

“I’m scared, Arizona.  You’re scaring me.”  Callie said, her hand reaching out and gently caressing Arizona’s cheek.

Arizona scoffed and pulled away from Callie’s touch.  “You’re scared?!  YOU’RE SCARED?!”  Arizona was screaming by now, her eyes wide and fiery, her hair unkempt and wild around her face.  And suddenly, there was a calm that settled into Arizona’s face as she stared past Callie, “You have no idea what kind of fear I live in every day.  Like the fear that you’ll forget to wear your seatbelt and crash through another windshield.  The fear that our little girl will be in an accident and neither of us can get to her.  Or the fear of a war that is millions of miles away claiming the life of my brother or maybe the fear that my idiot best friend couldn’t get over himself to get checked out before cancer riddled his body and took his life.  The fear of getting on a plane for a routine trip to work a medical miracle resulting in a fucking plane crash!”

By now tears were streaming down Arizona’s cheeks, but she made no noises as though she were crying.  She just stared at Callie, but she was looking through Callie, as though she weren’t even there.  “So don’t talk to me about being scared.  Or being in pain, because I’m living it.  Or maybe I’m not.”  Arizona slapped at her left thigh, making the point that she couldn’t feel anything there.  “The worst though is the fear of silence.  How sitting in the middle of the woods, surrounded by the smell of burnt flesh and gasoline which clings to everything there was just this stillness in the night and silence.  No animals scurrying nearby or owls hooting, no, none of the chaos one would expect from a major disaster, just the silence as two of your friends die and leave you.  The silence in a moonlit sky as pain completely takes you over.  I can’t stand it, so really, just go for now, because I’m not in the mood to placate your feelings of being scared over something you have no idea about.”

Callie stood stunned staring at Arizona, who just turned back to the TV on the wall.  She understood now why the TV was never turned off.  Arizona was having some form of PTSD and Callie was powerless to stop it.  “Okay.  I’ll uh…  I’ll come by later.”  She turned and left the room and immediately ran to the daycare, taking Sofia in her arms and crying while hugging her closely.

Callie was finally pulling herself together as Mark walked into the daycare.  “Looks like Mommy had the same idea Daddy did today,” he said with a smile as he walked up to her and pulled Sofia from her arms.  “Hi there, baby!” he cooed to her and she clapped, happy to see two of her parents.  “How’s blondie?”

Callie froze visibly when the question was asked and turned away from him to try and hide the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

“That good, huh?” he said mostly to himself.

“She’s got some sort of PTSD and I’m not sure how I can help her.  She just keeps pushing me away,” she sighed deeply and ran a hand through her hair.

“Well, I think all of us involved in that crash have PTSD,” he shrugged and kissed his little girl on the cheek.

“No, there’s just something really off with her now…” Callie said while biting her bottom lip.

“No more so than anyone else that survived that crash.  Meredith spent a week in a psychiatric hospital coming to terms with the fact that her whole world went up in smoke.  She got out just in time to go to the funerals of her husband and sister.  Now she and Yang work around the clock.  Why do you think she went back to neuro?” He smiled brightly at Sofia who smacked her little hands against his cheek.  “Oh, do you think Daddy needs to shave?  I haven’t been home yet today.”

“Is that your way of working through the PTSD?  A different woman every night?” Callie scoffed.

“Sometimes three in one day or three at the same time,” he grinned at Sofia who squealed and giggled.

“You’re disgusting,” Callie said with a shake of her head.

“But incredibly happy,” he smiled.

“Just don’t get sick.  I don’t want to have to tell our daughter and explain things…” Callie shook her head slightly and stood back up.  “I’ve gotta get back to work.”

“Don’t worry, I’m careful.  Your Mommy is crazy, thinking I’d do something dumb,” He smiled at his little girl and rubbed her back as Callie left the room.

Callie went about her business, but she was preoccupied with thoughts of Arizona.  Her wife had always been her backbone, always protecting her and providing for her and helping her when need be; Arizona had been so many things for her, and now, she only wants to be that person for her wife as well.  Only, Arizona is acting like a stubborn bitch and leaving Callie in the dark while she stares into her own fear, bracing herself to take it alone.  As if they were in no marriage at all.  It was maddening to Callie and made her want to pull on her hair out, only she would look terrible bald, so that really wasn’t an option.

The problem was she couldn’t think of any options at all.

This was her life, spiraling out of control before her very eyes and she was powerless to stop it.  Arizona was going to eventually explode and it would be worse than what happened between them earlier.  She wanted to get her wife help, but she knew Arizona would be resistant.  She was nervous even bringing up the idea of therapy, but she was at her wits end.

Well, fine…  If Arizona was going to fight her through this, then she needed to be prepared.  And if Arizona wasn’t going to ask for help or accept it, then she’d have to get some backup for herself.  Callie ran a hand through her hair as she stood in front of the door to Dr. Wyatt’s office.  It worked for Meredith.  It worked for Owen.  She needed this to work for her.  And maybe, just maybe, she could convince Arizona to try and let it work for her as well.